Help Please!

[Terapin]

Thanks guys. I honestly have no idea what I'm doing now. My head is spinning in a million directions, and I can't retain focus on anything. Again, up until Saturday I was fully committed to trying to save our marriage. But while I was doing that, she was out acting like a 22 year old party girl skank.

I don't believe everything she says, nor do I believe the OM was innocent in everything. I think she's been so far in fantasy land and lying to everyone (even though she denies lying about anything, except to me) that she can't even keep her lies straight. Yesterday morning she told me that the reason OM hasn't replied to me was probably because he has no idea anything that's going on. That was a flat out lie, told straight to my face. Like, how does someone get past that? I don't know.

Despite one moment of fear/weakness sunday night when she said 'just like week you were talking about us going to MC, but now you don't want to?', she hasn't said anything about working on us, or her feelings have change towards us.

I find it completely disrespectful and inappropriate that she had this loser as the shoulder to cry on. And she admitted sending him inappropriate texts, but continually stated nothing did or would have happened. Our friends that filled me in on all of this (who have zero reason to lie to me), are convinced she's been lying to them and using them to get closer to this dude. But I can't say for certainty that's the case.

But to sum up, I have no idea what to do. I got the D papers, and am filling them out. I can't file until next paycheck, which is probably a blessing that I have to wait a few days. But I feel if I don't file, it will be taken as a bluff on my part. If I do file in the next few days, I feel it'll be done too for the wrong reasons (anger, resentment, etc). So no, I don't know what to do now, and I don't know what I want to do. Every instinct is telling me to file and end this. But I guess deep down, buried under a mountain of anger, there's probably a hint of hope still there. Is having a very inappropriate 3 week EA really the worst thing in the world? I mean, it feels like it to me, but is it really?

You guys are awesome. I really appreciate it. Is there a way I can get Sandi to chime in on this?