T, they all say stuff like that, believe nothing she says. Make her show action before you give her a chance. Likely the OM lost interest (which usually doesn't happen unless he gets something he wants out of her (money, nude photos, sex). My W's OM was several states away (as I said he was a broke loser) and after her third set of nudes sent to him he told her he was staying with his GF. (Whether he actually had one I don't know, I think he more didn't want her to find out what a loser he was, so he got his kicks and moved on to another sucker.) It was after that that she started showing remorse and wanting to work on things. PLAN B.
Looking back being plan B hurts, there is no doubt. I should do a post on how being a LBH that finally won his W back isn't all its cracked up to be. I've had so many posters tell me that they are envious of where we are, that they wish they were there. However, there is always that wonder in the back of your mind. There is always that wondering if OM had made a different decision. Or if another OM swept in (and there were signs one was ready to in my sitch) what she would have chosen. I wonder how long those questions will last. Though I will say that we have been in full R since March which means it has only been about 4 1/2 months. That is still young. She has shown consistent behavior since she recommitted to the MR, but is 4 1/2 months a long enough time for my worries to be allayed? I would absolutely not. The other vets that have been around here longer (remember this is my second go around with my W having an EA) would say 4 1/2 months is NOT a long enough period of time. And I agree.
T, this is a marathon, not a sprint. It requires a lot of patience! Something I did not have a lot of before all of this. Not sure if you are a Bible believer at all but the Bible talks about trials and tribulations are how your patience is grown. If I lived a perfectly problem free life likely I would never grow in this area. God uses trials (he doesn't initiate them, that is free-will but USES) to help us grow in areas we need to grow in. I am a lot more patient today than I was on 12/23. So I would echo AS and neffer and tell you to let your emotions stabilize before making a rash decision. But please take into account what I said above. You mentioned "no way I can trust her, and I've lost all respect for her as a person". That takes a very long time to get back. Do you have the patience for it? And can you go through the thinking I've outlined above without causing your sitch to revert back.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
