I just got caught up on your thread. I am sorry you found yourself among us, but at the same tame you stumbled upon a great group of truly awesome people who know what you are going trough, who have gone through it themselves.
I was BDd in June of 2014, so 4 years ago, 2 small kids and an X who started her second puberty. I remember my path vividly.
I am going to be honest and blunt with you. You are in probably the toughest place in your life. Chances are it will get worse. You are just exiting the shock phase of it all and the reality of it all is starting to bite. YOU WILL BE OK! YOU WILL THRIVE AGAIN!
Now is the time to reinvent yourself, to grow into the new you, the best you can be. You have to turn your focus away from your W and onto yourself and the kids. when the blues hit you, embrace the pain, endure it and it will pass. In time the downs will become less severe and they will be shorter and less frequent.
I cannot underestimate the value of GAL. Even if you go by yourself, go. Hiking is especially useful, as is the gym. Hiking lets you go to remote places and you can yell out the pain. Yell it out! Talk to God. Do not ask him for an easier way, ask him for strength to endure instead.
Do not contact your W, unless it is for the kids. Do not accommodate her, treat her as a distant neighbor. Get your mojo back.
You are not alone LANE. We are here for you. Whenever you feel you need to vent, or to get something off your chest, we are here for you.
