Terapan, Got to agree with hongaku in that you seem to be pushing the eject button pretty rapidly based out of emotions and frustration. If that’s what you want than god bless, but do consider the impact it will have with your son.
I can only relate to my sitch, but my S6 is really having a tough time and is lashing out in all sorts of ways that have very heart crushing.
I would some deep reflection and ask yourself if you’ve done everything you can to positively impact your S and possibly MR.
Just my 2 cents
Me - 38 W-37 S6 M 10 years T 13yrs BD 3/18 W moves out 4/18 W files 7/18
I left the house to go out for a while today. It got back to my wife how mad i was, and how inapproppriate her behavior was last night.
She texted at least 10 times saying that 'nothing went on', and i was 'being crazy'.
then she said that in regards to the one guy that was there, (and has been lurking since the beginning) that there's been 'some feelings' between them. lol. Are you f'n kidding me? lol
i refused to participate in any further conversation after that.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Calm down T. Take the time to cool down. Then decide if you want to go on with DBing or what. If so, then restart DBing, detach and set boundaries. And make the protection of your S a priority.
You´ll need cold strength to do that. Ease your mind. It´s hard but you need to be wise. Don´t let emotions rule your behavior.
Calm down T. Take the time to cool down. Then decide if you want to go on with DBing or what. If so, then restart DBing, detach and set boundaries. And make the protection of your S a priority.
You´ll need cold strength to do that. Ease your mind. It´s hard but you need to be wise. Don´t let emotions rule your behavior.
Be strong man
Thanks Nef. Yes, I completely lost my cool last night.
I took today off. I'm going to the courthouse to at least get the documents to file. W confronts me this morning before she left for work. Essentially begging me not to do anything 'we'll regret'. Kept saying her life is spiraling out of control, wondering why i don't want to go to MC, how hard this is going to be on our son, etc. I told her that for 3 weeks I've been wanting to work on things, and she chose to get raging drunk instead. She chose drinking over spending time with me and our son over my birthday, our anniversary, etc.
I know she's having a complete meltdown. She even said maybe she's having a MLC. But I feel I've got to look out for my and my sons best interests. The bottom fell out for her yesterday. Her closest 'allies' told her they're appalled by her recent behavior. She said she hates herself now too. But I think that's the only reason for her sudden turnaround. I"m not falling for it.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Welp, just had a nice conversation with my (our) two closest friends.
Apparently she has been, at the very least, involved in an EA with this idiot with both know. She's been texting him nonstop, begging him to sleep with her, begging him to 'wait' for her, etc. She's been lying to me, and our circle of 6 friends for the last 3 weeks. Her two best friends in that circle want to absolutely kill her. She's dragged everyone down, and ensnared everyone in her web of lies.
To say that I"m in disbelief is an understatement. If she was hooking up with a doctor, lawyer, etc, then i can understand it. This dude is 11 years younger than her, has already been divorced twice, makes $12 an hour, and is literally living on someone's couch (cause his stbx kicked him out). I mean, lol.
She of course still denies everything, thinks all of our friends and relatives are lying to me, etc. Everything she says is completely selfish and is trying to justify her behavior.
Anyway, i went to the courthouse to get paperwork this morning (before I even knew about all of this). It's over.
She destroyed our marriage, our family, and relationships with her closest friends. For what? A chance to bang some loser? FML
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Terapin, it's very common for WAS's to "affair down". It's usually perplexing to the LBS that they do this, but a lot of times it's just a case of them finding someone that tells them what they want to hear (often it's not heartfelt though, there are a lot of people out there that prey on the desperate and know just what emotional buttons to push to make it sound like they care). If it's a deal-killer for you then so be it, but I would point you back to Neffer's post and ask you what the hurry is. No need to take rash action, give yourself a couple of weeks or even a month to digest this new info and if over that time you consistently feel D is the proper action then proceed. Right now you may be doing it as an emotional reaction though.
OM. Alcohol. None of that matters. And you shouldn't focus on any of that.
Here is the thing, they almost ALWAYS trade down. My W was 49. The first guy she went after was 38 or 39. And a huge loser. Lived with his elderly father. Unemployed. Drove a 2001 Pontiac Sunbird. Had a criminal record.
The second guy, whom she claimed was only a friend (I believe her because I don't think he was interested in more) was 42, makes 1/3 of what I make, divorced with 2 kids. Claims his EX cheated on him but he cheats with other married women so I don't believe him.
The point is that it isn't about OM. It is the fact that she is OPEN to another man. I posted a long post a couple of weeks ago that gave reasons why it isn't about OM. Focusing there is a cheeseless tunnel. If it was not THAT OM it would be another OM. There is no shortage of losers that are willing to sleep with other men's wives out there.
Waywardness is the problem with your W. And you will need to be practicing DB with a tough love spin. Hopefully sandi will take an interest in your sitch because she is much better equipped at dealing with WWs (being a former WW herself) than most of us traditional DBers.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I don't see any way back from this at all. Honestly I think I'd be able to get over a one night stand or somethign easier. Hell, at least it would have made sense if she was all into a doctor, lawyer, etc. Not some halfwit that speaks at a 4th grade level.
There's nothing to DB anymore. I know it's only been a few weeks, but the things she's said and done, not just to me, but to our friends and family can't be undone. [censored], but life goes on. Now the hard stuff starts.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
all I can say is "darn". Man life is a you-know-what. You've been dealt some terrible things, most people would be ready to eject after that. Sorry that this happened. Keep working on yourself to be the best person you can, don't let her actions stop you there.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
