Affair discovered 3

[STH17]

Dropped off son today. It took 3 and a half hours out of my day because of the extra distance. I don't want to agree to doing that again, unless W makes similar effort for me. Even then, I think I'd rather just stick with meeting halfway. Another twenty minutes I probably could have dropped him off right at in-laws' house.

I was anxious all day yesterday and today about telling W I had changed all the autopays from our joint accounts to my new checking account, and she will have to pay for her student loan from now on. Also reminding her she is responsible for making payments on our joint credit card. Like so many other things like this, I got no reaction from her at all. Just an "ok, fine!" It still feels like a game of chicken, seeing who will flinch first. I expect D papers coming soon. Next step for me would be to ask her to pay half the mortgage and home and health insurance bills. That seems pointless though. Not enforceable in any way. I may go back on my commitment to paying her medical bills. I don't even know if she's seeing her IC anymore, she hasn't put any more appointments on our shared calendar. Now that my money is going into my own checking account, I can keep it there and not pay anything of hers.

I'm at the level of "done-ness" that would have been helpful a year ago, but I wouldn't have understood half what I do now. I'm sick of worrying about my finances and the effect divorce will have on them. Or the effect staying married will have on them, for that matter.

More important personal goal now is to get a job and decide whether I'm moving or not.