I know this was a mistake on my part but emotions got the better of me. Damn I was doing so well.
Don't sweat it, no one thing got you to this point and no one thing will make or break it now that you're here. DB'ing is not about doing everything right 100% of the time, it's about trying things and seeing what works and doesn't work and adjusting your approach accordingly.
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Interestingly she also has NOT done a thing about the separation although she told me she had.
Very common. If you can effectively remove the pressure she may just let it sit indefinitely.
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She then said she had no feelings for me ‘at the moment’.
Just listen and validate. "I understand you have no feelings for me, I am sorry you feel that way."
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I know I cannot control this but my fear is that she will do this irreparable damage to the family and our life and later realise what she has done once the fog has lifted and reality sets in.
I understand your fear, I had the same fear. Mostly I was afraid that my kids would be wrecked. And to be sure they did go through some rough times, but they got over it and they are all doing fantastic. One has her degree and is working and another just got her degree last Friday and started working today. My fear was unfounded, because despite the M falling apart my kids had two very loving parents who gave them 100% support all the time. Rather than fretting over what damage this will cause your kids, ask yourself what you can do to get them through this with as little impact as possible, and then do it. A lot of us were checked out dads near the end of our M's and became much more involved after BD. Many LBS's report having a stronger relationship with their kids than ever before. So BD can be a blessing in disguise.
