Am I coming or going?

[DonH]

Just take some time and really consider if its just the idea of being in a R that appeals to you and you might be overlooking his issues to get there.

Yes - Yes - Yes. This is great advice!!!!!!

I want to try to take a 30,000 foot view of this from above. Let's focus on the fact that this was all in TWO WEEKS - TWO LITTLE WEEKS. If someone were to read this and not know the time frame they would swear it was at least six months. I don't want to get too raw here but is this two people coming together that both are trying to get something way too soon? We all keep saying it - like a broken record (KML) yet the all in fast insta-relationship speed keeps happening.

Then there is the whole thing of what happened Friday night (still trying to stay at 30,000 feet). I swear this is a Men are from Mars Women Are From Venus thing. I don't know the context or tone of what he said but it nearly sounds to me like a glass half empty thing. Maybe I'm not self-aware either (given what happened to me Friday night as well - read my thread) but to me it nearly sounds like he was saying he's 90% sure of you at only two weeks. Ya know, if someone said that to me, I'd run out of the room as well - but for a totally different reason. I'd be freaked that someone could feel 90% sure about me and our future after only two weeks!!!!!! What did you want him to say Ginger, that he was 100% certain? Would that not be a HUGE HUGE HUGE red flag? Should it not be?

I hate to say it but am going to admit I could be Band Guy (and not only because I am a band guy) but I could see myself doing the same thing in the moment, not at all meaning it the way it came out in the moment. Perhaps that's what I did in my sitch and I still don't know it??? Now I'm not saying I'd say I was 90% sure - I'm saying I could say something stupid without thinking and not even know it.

Back on the ground, we can't get in his head but I often try to put myself in the other guys shoes. I really wonder if he's out perusing other women, it's not because he was "only" at 90% with you, it's the over-the-top reaction from you. Is he thinking he can't deal with that stuff? Is he thinking you rejected him? That's what I'm thinking in my sitch. It's not the issue, it's the reaction. But again, the reaction came because things moved way, way, way too fast too soon with you two.

I agree with Dawn and a few others that a face to face meeting is needed - that doesn't end up in bed if it goes well. If you two really want a solid future R you both have to get out of fantasy land and work at it. It takes a lot of time. Perhaps he's not the guy for you - but mostly because the two of you are moving too fast and it's a bad combination. As for him back online, I think that's just a way to feel better. He's looking to find SOMEONE - ANYONE - to feel better. Then again, is that what he's doing with you? It's almost like there are two problems here - one is going to fast and the blow up. That can be resolved if you want it to be. The second, is what then happens with any budding R - you have to take the time to get to know each other. In doing that you might find out that he's not the guy for you. But is that not the whole point of dating? You want to know if he's the "one" within 30 days. Newsflash - you can NEVER know if someone is the one within 30 days. I think you want to know he is the one, be certain of that, but then somehow still go slow. The two don't match.

Quickly, on your D and moving. I know D is in some ways all you have at this moment for close family but she is 10. She is your daughter, not your best friend. Buying her things, promising her a dog, etc. Not good and you know this. She will not be the first child that has to change schools this year. In fact she might be 1,785,498 to change schools this year. She will live. It will make her stronger. It's better done now than in high school. You have to make the best decision for you and for her - with your head - not with your heart for her. You are the mother, not her best friend. It will all be okay - and promising her a dog???????? LOL I hope you can back that one up. Get a dog if it's a good decision - not as a peace offering.

You are getting hit with a lot Ginger. Don't let it break you - which I know it won't. We are all here for you. Take some huge deep breaths, and take a step back. Band Guy is no different than Hatchet Man or Hot Chocolate or even Firefighter. You'll know it's the right guy when it comes naturally, slow and steady after many, many months.