Getting Back to my Old Self

[DonH]

Well, ya know it had to happen sooner or later... In a recent post I spoke about how Wild Girl and I have not yet even had a disagreement or argument/fight... I think that run came to an end on Friday - although I don't think it's that simple. Of course what I'm about to say has to include mind reading to a degree but I've also now seen her enough and gotten to know her enough over about 10 weeks to start seeing patterns. As I've always said, it's patterns and trends that I pay attention to.

So, what happened? I'm not totally certain. We had a great time last Monday as we were at our State Fair. I performed and was "working" for about 5 hours but then from about 4 PM to 11 PM we hung out and had a great time. I took her home and all was well. She said I could stay but I elected to go back home since the girls were sleeping and she had work early in the morning. She hugly thanked me for taking her all the way home (if you know what I mean) and all was good.

Thing is, while at the fair, she met some of my friends. I hung out with some of hers for several hours including her parents, aunt, etc. In the days that followed, both of us got a lot of feedback. A few of my female friends (who are going on the cruise) sent her friend requests on Facebook. Others told me how much they liked her. She got the same. Her friends we hung out with really liked me and told her so. Her mom then told a good friend of hers how happy she is that her daughter is dating me. My friends have decided she is going on the cruise whether I've decided or not. She is way a lot of fun - there is no two ways about it so from their view it's just another totally fun girl to hang out with. I just really get the feeling this again has scared her. Her mom saying she's so happy she's "dating" me when she's trying to play it off as we are casual friends who hang out, etc. I think she's feeling pressured and scared.

So, again what happened Friday? Well, she again called me Wednesday night, Thursday night and again Friday night - not me - HER. I could tell something was "off" right away on Friday. She was snippy, back to "I'm not sure about Sunday, plans might change" - you may remember she's pulled this several times now - seems to get really nervous and needs an out. By her own admission she has anxiety so I try to understand it. She then said something that I misunderstood and as honest as I can be, I may have said something insensitive - but not at all on purpose. Her tone immediately changed, she got very quiet and said "that was really rude" I'm like, oh, no that's not what I meant. But she was not having it. Now was this something to the level that went on with Ginger the same night and I'm just not getting it? Yeah, I guess it could be. She's just never acted this way. She after a minute of this said "I'll call you back". Of course that never happened. I sent a text again apologizing and saying that I may have blurted out something that I should not have but in no way meant it the way it was taken. I also suggested that she should know I've never said or done something to be mean or hurt someone, why would I now out of the blue?

I believe with all of my being she manufactured this because she needed distance. I swear it's the case. Things are going too good, everyone is saying so and she's not used to this at all. Remember right at the beginning I said I thought she was "broken"? This is what I meant. I left her alone on Saturday and did not hear anything. I can't remember if she texted me or me her on Sunday. We had a few exchanges with her giving me one or two words. "Yes", "Early" etc. I'm like, ya know, I'm way too old for this BS and I'm not playing these passive aggressive games so I just disengaged. Four hours later here come some pictures of a band friend of mine that was performing at an event a mile from her house. Then normal texts again with detail. She was leaving for family vacation "early" today with her daughters, parents, and other family. She will be gone until Saturday and I'll be leaving tomorrow or Wednesday. Might be good timing.

It's the pattern of this that bothers me the most. I'd say this is the third time she's felt the need to distance like this but the first time she picked a fight to do it. That said, I almost felt like she was trying to pick a fight with me a month ago - as in nearly 30 days to the day. Anyone see where I'm going with this? Things ended up fine but when she got home both of her daughters said she was really crabby. Do not flame me girls but is this PMS? I know you all hate it when guys call out behavior like this over PMS but I've had at least one GF a long, long time ago that I knew her cycle better than she did just by her behavior. And yes, she is right in the window for it - warning me about next Sunday.

So I'm just dropping back this week and will let her come to me. We are supposed to be together this coming Sunday, Monday and Tuesday including tickets to an event on Monday. She was already hedging on the Sunday, saying her vacation plans could change and they might stay longer. I would hope she's not going to bail on everything. If she does that might be it for me. I can live with no Sunday but I'm not burning over $100 in tickets for a slight disagreement that I've apologized for at least three times now.

Sadly, it makes me think, THIS is EXACTLY why I've not had a GF in so long. I hate this crap and really am too old for it. Just be honest with me or perhaps moreso with yourself. I know I can't know for sure but I am sooooo confident that I'm correct in my assessment about what is going on here. Now, that said, perhaps I was getting too attached as well - much on her lead. Again, it's not me calling daily, suggesting things like the three days this coming Sunday-Tuesday - it was HER idea. Yet, I am excited to see her and tell her so. Usually I'm the one needing distance - perhaps my comfort has come across as too desperate or needy or interested? Or is reality hitting her in the face and she's not ready for it? I also think she's not totally over the guy she was in love with her went back to his wife. Their baby is due anytime now. Or perhaps the baby arrived??????????? As for me she's constantly said that pretty much everything fits other than the age difference continues to bother her. This is also consistant with what she's told her friends - really likes me, get along great, etc. but the age difference bothers her. While the age thing is a concern it doesn't really "bother" me. What really does concern me, however, is the need for a 42 year old to be most attracted to and want to be with guys 10 years younger than her. What's that about? Again, I see that as dating boys rather than dating a man.

So I'm pulling back. What really stinks is I was told again last night they need names and DOB for the cruise. This time the head guy called our band leader for this info. They are getting serious. Of course the band leader followed with "What's the problem, you're taking Wild Girl, the girls (wives and girlfriends) already have decided she's your girl." I will feel like a total loser again if I have to say, nope sorry, WG is not going and I have to try to find someone else. It's at this point they will likely try to place me with another single member of another band - something I simply WILL NOT DO to the point I just won't go. That's PTSD for me as the last cruise I RAN a few years ago (nothing to do with music) I didn't go on for lack of someone to go with me. This part makes me really sad.

Still, I'm getting ahead of myself here. It's not even close to playing out like that and I don't think it will. I truly think this is just a natural speed bump. It's how she and I handle it that will spell things out. And there you go - a poopy Monday update to add to the 4 or 5 really good ones I've had. I guess that's still not bad - one real pull back in 10 weeks along with 2 minor ones. We will see what this week brings and what happens with what I thought were firm plans for next Sunday-Tuesday.