Has it gone too far?

[Fogg]

You can view anyone's threads but clicking on their name->View Profile->Show Posts->Topics Created

Good points by the above posters. Much of what we think are contradictions in DB end up being ourselves resisting the ideas due to fear. Fear of losing our identity we meshed too much into our W's, fear of the future, fear of the unknown. Its also good to point out what we read on the forums doesn't always line up with what the coaches recommend and there isn't always one method for every situation. Some techniques will work better for some people.

Eventually you will come to a point where you redefine what DB means to you. For me it didn't turn into saving my M and looking back on it I wouldn't want it now anyway. It turned into finding myself and I'm more than OK with that now. Sure, it saddens me my kids are forced into a situation they cant control, but living in a broken family doesn't doom them. The best thing you can do to help them through this is become the best version of yourself you can be and make the right choices in terms of them with the things you can control, your side of the fence.

The hard pill we all have to swallow is nothing we do is guaranteed to save the M and family we always expected we would have. Your W determines where her life goes and you cant and shouldn't try to control that. You may have some influence applying the right techniques but that still wont guarantee anything. DB only fails if you fail to use it to remake a better version of yourself, that's what you have control over in the end.

As long as you two don't have a set schedule on who has kids and when this will keep being an issue. She will cake eat and come and go as she pleases and that type of structure/stability isn't the best for the kids anyway. My ex did the exact same thing, toward the end we had to make a rough schedule of who would have kids and when so each of us could get personal time. The limbo phase is strange transitional phase, you aren't divorced yet but aren't married either so you have to adjust how you two interact and parent the kids.

We started by putting in the main things such as appointments and work, around that we scheduled time with or without the kids in advance so it was known and the other could schedule also. Say I had plans to go to the zoo on Saturday with the kids, I would put it on the calendar and it was mostly a first come first serve case, within reason, for each week. There will be come conflict but do your best to be reasonable with her without being a doormat. You will have to have a discussion about this at some point to gain some structure to it all.

One last thought, in her eyes shes doing nothing wrong. You will see it as breaking apart the family and anything she does with the party life is madness and irresponsible. In her eyes shes said shes done and is now a single women, she can and will do whatever she wants. "its just a piece of paper" that ties you together now, as my ex claimed.