Hey B, I've been swamped for a few weeks, trying to catch up on a few sitches including yours. First I just want to say that Joseph is spot-on here:
Originally Posted by Joseph9
B.....the only thing you can do is to keep working on yourself physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I am, for the most part, a completely different person than I was a year ago. Either they get on board or they don’t. Everything I do is either for myself or for my daughters and at the end of the day that is all that matters.
I think the hardest thing about this for any of us is we can't see the big picture. All we can see is the pain and misery we're going through post-BD. We're desperate to put our family back together and make things "normal" again. Any other option is unacceptable and seems impossibly lonely, awful and broken. But all of this that you're going through is temporary. It may take 6 months or a year or two years but at some point this will all be fuzzy memories and you'll be living a very different but very fulfilling life. Maybe that will be with your W or maybe not, but by the time you get there it won't matter. All that will matter is that you're over it, you're recovered, and you're happy and content again.
I think if you could see that eventuality then it would make what you're going through a lot easier to live with. But you can't because it's the future and the future isn't so easy to visualize. But look at some of us that are farther down the road and maybe that will help. You have Steve who is now piecing and looking at a strong future with his W. And then there's the flip side of that with me where my M did not survive but I have a stronger relationship than ever with my kids, a wonderful girlfriend (3 years now) and actually have a very good relationship with my XW as well.
Steve and I were both just as sad and hurt and miserable and in pain as you, and despite our very different outcomes we're both changed people who are happy and content again. And you will be too! Just be patient with yourself and never give up hope.
