Hey guys, sorry for the delay in updating. Things are are still improving slowly, but surely. I think we got over the stall that occurred a couple weeks ago and I can see progress happening again. W's behavior toward me is still much better and I haven't seen any major relapses. Occasionally, we may get into a squabble and I can see flashes of that old, stubborn, disrespect. But, I think she has really made it a priority to change and genuinely grow, which is very positive. Both of use are in a place where we have high motivation for self-improvement and right now we are working together as a team and lifting each other up more than we have in a long time.
I am having patience with the limbo period. I'm not in any rush and I know there's a long way to go before I can really say we are out of the woods. My biggest concern is her lack of vulnerability. Like I said, I am hopeful as she is obviously willing to do work and make positive changes, and I know she is aware of this issue in herself. However, it's such an ingrained trait and that stubborn pride is a powerful enemy. I think IC is going to be very important and I am going to advocate for it in the near future.
We still haven't had any real R talks, discussion of the A, etc. I don't really know when is the right time. But I have a feeling she isn't going to be the one to bring it up and it makes me slightly uneasy. Is that normal and to be expected? If I am the one to do it, I want there to be a clear purpose.
On a physical front, things are still very slow. Aside from cuddling in bed/on the couch and the occasional short kiss, she doesn't seem to be too interested in much. That's fine...unless it lasts forever. Any thoughts on what I should expect in this department and how to handle it? I may have been remained silent about being in a sexless marriage before, but I'm not going to settle for it anymore. Taking all those NMMNG lessons to heart.
Will update again soon.
So 44, on the affection/physical front. Be aware that you may be in a period of a new normal.
These kinds of things morph and change overtime in relationships. Think about the early, honeymoon, any and everything goes period, vs. the more settled in once or twice a week (or less) more straight ahead sex, etc.
In my sitch, my W is not interested in the passionate, tongue kissing like she once was. I've talked to others and this is not an unusual change in longtime Rs. My W is much less into snuggling on the couch, and holding hands, that sort of thing. It isn't that she is anti-affection now, just not as into initiating and not into as often as she was when she was younger. Things have improved in other ways too though. Like during sex she is much more into it, and it is more satisfying, and more of a connection than it was in years past.
Lots of good progress here from where you were several months ago. I agree that you do not have to settle for a SSM. Get into MC, and make sure she is agreeable to working on things before accepting full R.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
