Affair discovered 3

[STH17]

This last time picking up my son, W was 45 minutes late because she said son didn't want to go. When I got to our meeting spot I texted her I was there, and she asked if I wanted to meet closer to her. I've been trying to stand my ground on this issue, so I said I would wait for her. If she wants to meet closer I want her to actually talk to me about it ahead of time, not just change plans at the last minute. She didn't say a word to me at the dropoff, and drove off while I was getting son in his carseat. The hardest thing about driving him home with me this time was that his clothes and backpack smelled like my in-laws' house, which brings memories to me of first dating W and spending a lot of time there with her. I had to open a window after a while to deal with it.

W has refused to close joint accounts, so I've just been spending them dry on things like mortgage payments and other bills. It's reached a low level now where there's not enough money there to pay off the credit card I wanted W to close. I've got enough money in my new checking account, but I have no idea how much money has hidden in her own account or what she is earning now. I am going to tell her tomorrow I am not paying her student loan anymore. I've switched all the autopays I could from our joint accounts to my new one.

It was a while ago since we talked about medical bills and health insurance premiums, but I think there is an understanding now that I will continue paying those costs. I want to change that. I would like to just tell W I am not paying anything for her anymore, and leave it up to her to figure things out herself or negotiate with me.

W changed her address with post office this week (didn't tell me, but notice came in the mail and there was a fee on our credit card). So that is one more step towards her filing for D. I keep thinking about things like that as signs of increasing distancing in our relationship. I've read relationships are always moving closer together or further apart. I have to stop hanging on to things like that though, and all the financial support I'm giving W as if holding onto it is preventing further distancing. Paying somebody's student loans and medical bills isn't a sign of closeness in a relationship when the person benefitting wants nothing to do with the person paying. It's just taking advantage.

I agreed to drop off son at W's work tomorrow, which could eat up 3 hours of my day travelling. Guess I can at least ask her to return the favor in the future. I don't feel as bad cutting off support now that she's working, but I also think whether she's working or not shouldn't really matter.