If anyone's out there and can give me advice on this I'd really appreciate it.
I feel that I have to lay down (at the very least) a boundary. And while I've been reading up on it, I'm certainly no expert.
When the wife wakes up, I imagine she'll again thank me for picking our son up last night. I'm considering this as a reply:
"You're welcome. It's obvious to me that you have little interest in working on or maintaining our marriage. And while that disappoints me, I respect your decision. You are free to do what you want with your time. However, you still have a responsibility to be a good parent to our son, and having him sit at places for 6 or 8 hours while you drink is irresponsible and unacceptable. If that continues, I will file for full custody, as I feel that will be in his best interest"
Good, bad, too much, too little??
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Well found out from my brother that my sister in law left the guys house party (which was just a bunch of 21 year old dudes sitting around drinking) at 11pm. My wife stayed, and got home 5 hours later.
Cannot wait to tell this alcoholic skank to gtfo out of my life
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Really starting to feel like i'm talking to myself here. lol
Anyway, wife woke up, acting like everything was fine.
The conversation:
Me: "Just to let you know, I'm going to go ahead and file tomorrow." Her: "Why? Ya, that's always nice to hear 5 minutes after you wake up" Me: "You chose not to participate in or work on this marriage. I'm really disappointed in that, but I respect your decision. You're free to do what you want, and that includes sitting at a guys house party (4 young guys, she's only girl) by yourself till 4am. But getting too drunk to be able to drive our son home when he wanted to leave is completely unacceptable". Her: "The guys at that party are young enough to be my kids. Nothing obviously happened. And I didn't keep our son there, you came to pick him up. I needed to sober up, which is why i was there so late. All we did at that party was play beer pong". Me: "So in order to sober up, you played beer pong for 4 hours?" Her: "Fine, make me the villian. I guess I'm a terrible person and terrible parent. Maybe I'm struggling with some issues, ya know?" Me: "Never said you were terrible, although a lot of other people are. I understand your issues, but that doesn't excuse that kind of behavior. Think about everything that happened yesterday, then ask yourself who the F does something like that?"
Then I walked away. I"m sure I handled it bad, but I don't really care anymore.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Terapin, Has your w always had issues with her drinking or is she going through a phase? Maybe she’s trying to relive her college years...
Yes. It was much worse 12-15 years ago, but her drinking would get worse and worse until eventually the bottom would fall out (she's end up in therapy, mental health, etc). It really hasn't been bad in years, but in the past year it's become much worse. Completely drunk on weekends, and drinking a bottle of wine or 6 pack almost every night.
She never recognizes it as a problem until it's too late. Says it's her 'stress relief'
Look, I"m no angel either. But she has a history of depression and a family history of mental illness, so she's the last person that should be raging like that.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Anyways, what boundary do you think you should lay down and why?
Her saying the guys are young enough to be her kids means diddly and is probably to throw you off. 21 years old hook up with older chick's all the time. And people who " struggle with issues" in the's situationso usually seek comfort in anothers arms.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Anyways, what boundary do you think you should lay down and why?
Her saying the guys are young enough to be her kids means diddly and is probably to throw you off. 21 years old hook up with older chick's all the time. And people who " struggle with issues" in the's situationso usually seek comfort in anothers arms.
Nope, not maryland. Its in reference to a song
The time for boundaries is over. If i have to convince her its inappropriate for a middle aged mother to play beer pong w 21 year old till 4am, then shes not worth a fn thing
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
So are you done DB'ing now, just going through D proceedings? I'm just getting up to speed on your sitch, it seems like a lot of your questions were answered or too late to be answered now.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
So are you done DB'ing now, just going through D proceedings? I'm just getting up to speed on your sitch, it seems like a lot of your questions were answered or too late to be answered now.
I was DBing. After her escapades of last night, yes, I'm moving through with D. I also heard from my brother that W really wanted to go to this party last night because a guy we know would be there. Mind you, this guy is 15 years younger, on his 2nd divorce, and has no money and no place to live. lol. That's better than me apparently. lol.
i just handed her a written out list of my demands/expectations for divorce (CS, assets, etc). She glanced at it and put it down.
Her four main confidants, literally all of them are furious and appalled with her because of last night. She's in for a world of hurt.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
All I'm going to say is that this is still the mother of your child and someone that in spite of your present state of anger, you probably still have a measure of love for. Nothing good will come from making this an ugly process, for you, her and most especially and importantly, your son. You are still going to be a co-parent with this woman at the very least. Don't be in such a rush and fueled by anger. There is a lot of cynicism in your posts and I don't know if that's your normal demeanor, or just because of how frustrated you are by your sitch, but I would urge you to find a way to settle your darker feelings down - meditation, yoga, martial arts, prayer, etc. Being vindictive and bitter is just as bad an example for your son as her drinking like she was around him. A different kind of bad, but still bad.
It doesn't matter what her confidants think and you shouldn't even be concerning yourself with that. Nor does it matter who this 15 yrs younger guy is or how he "compares" to you in any capacity.
Your W is clearly struggling with something serious and she told you as much in the exchange you detailed above. Tough love is what's needed, not venom.
Whether you end up with a D or eventually find your way to R, you and your son (and your W, for that matter) are best served with you being cool, calm, confident and collected.
M: 40 W: 37 T: 20 MR: 13 S13, S9, S4 BD: 1/29/18 Sep: 4/23/18 (I moved out) 8/24/18 I come home, she moves out
If you want to get out of the hole, drop the shovel.
