Am I coming or going?

[DonH]

From what I can tell, including "inside information" from talking with G, he indeed got in too fast and panicked. I think that was exacerbated by G's fear of the same thing happening again with a guy and poof the combo blew up. I even think it's possible both think the other is pulling away when neither really was. Yes it was very bad timing in his part, fueled I swear by a bio chemical reaction within him he has no control over and fueled by PTSD of sorts from Gingers past. The sad part is this could have been and still could be a great R down the road. They both just rushed YET AGAIN. Sure, this time early intercourse was not part of it but sex and everything else was. So really not much was different. It was a very fast two weeks with at least 6 or 7 dates within that two weeks. I'm sorry but I just don't see that as healthy. Is that just me? Perhaps in part yes but not in full. I'd have to add them up, okay I will... Lol. By my quick count I've seen wild girl 7 times in 10 weeks and she (and I guess I) are still being cautious and slow. Yes sex is involved but see the difference - 7 in 10 weeks versus 7 in 2? An hour of distance I'm sure helps that and full disclosure some "dates" have lasted two days due to the distance. So okay make it 10 in 10 weeks versus what would be 35 in 10 weeks at your pace. It's no wonder both pulled back and he's back online. There is and was no foundation there to rely on.

The difference this time is G wanted to go slow but allowed him to pull her right back to her comfort zone. She thought it was okay and safe because HE wanted it. Clearly not!!!!! Especially coming from online - the land of misfit toys - you have to be cautious with people. Going to a guys house on the first date is not cautious. It's almost as the writing was on the wall from date one. Easier to see in hindsight.

So now the good news. I don't think all is lost here. I think you guys need to talk. You can use this as a growing expierence and have it help form a bond for you. Unless you think he is too broken and not in a good place. See I think he is perfect to DATE as in go out to mini golf as juju says once or twice a week learn who he TRULY is. You can't do that by playing instant R cooking meals and hopping into bed naked. Again I'm clearly not someone to give R advice but I'm pretty good at dating - or at least used to be. Dinner, ball games, drinks, fairs, bond fires, mini golf, etc. and even if HE wants to see you 4 nights out of 5 don't. This junk of taking opportunities when they come is just that - junk when the "opportunities" come 80% of the time. It's more rationalization to excuse the behavior and do what we want rather than what is best. All that said, I don't think this is lost yet / just a bad miss-start. He still seems like a good guy. It's just now both of you who need to tripple it - if you know what i mean. I'd give it a shot at least meeting and talking - with your clothes on. . I really think he reacted stupidly and chemically and you over-reacted a bit. Chalk it up, learn from it and for Christ sake SLOW DOWN.