I'm confused about one thing. Did he make this 'only 90% right' statement and then explain that he wanted to end things? Or did he make this statement as if to indicate that he was conflicted and confused and then you left because it hurt you so much?
I am questioning this now, Zues. I ma playing it over in my head. He was direct with saying that but it was definitely implied. I admit, I jumped out of bed. I had to get away. The way he did it, was not something I was able to handle. We were in a very physical and emotional moment and he drops this on me. I think maybe if this conversation came today, not with alcohol involved, not being completely naked holding eachother and post an intimate act, maybe it would have ended and we could have really talked it out reasonably. I don't even think I could be with a guy who do it this way.
He never replied to the last statement of our small exchange today. He did apologize for not answering because he was at an amusement park and he was telling me about how he beat his record for riding this on coaster over and over. I told him about my car accident. He did tell me he was sorry the timing was bad and he blurted it out as soon as it came to his head. And he said he wanted to "take things further" (have sex with me) but couldn't do it because he freaked and came up with this thought.
Something came to my mind today. He was telling me the other night when him and his ex were dating and took a break he was dating this other woman and one night it got hot and heavy and he oculdn'tgo though with it and he ran from the house. I think it was because of his exwife. Maybe this was because of his ex GF. But I guess this wasn't the first time.
I am analyzing everything, but in the end, he did end it. And he said some worrisome things about where he is. I think he is trying to replicate a marriage immediately. He is the one trying to move too fast. It wasn't me. I told him I wasn't 100% there either for it being 2 weeks. That takes time and getting to know eachother. He never responded to that. Oh, and he is active again on POF.
It's simply over. I am fighting the urge to text him and ask questions. It doesn't matter. But I am just trying to make sure I keep telling myself that what was missing wasn't something in me. It's something in him. Even if I was perfect, he isn't there yet. He admitted he is so confused.
I will not beat myself up for reacting the way I did. He hurt me the way he did it. and it was worthy of my reaction.
My friends came over tonight and helped make me feel better. We have had torrential down pours and it is flooding badly. My ex potential house might be flooded. The highway by my house flooded and actually flooded a car dealer ship and the cars were floating away and piling on top of eachother.
What I really hate is if my ability to trust anything is gone. If I will be too scared to do this again.
