Ugh! What a day! So besides issues with XW and divorce the past three years... my parents have been a constant source of immense stress. They had their own marital issues but more so their health and mental states. My dad lost his jobs two years ago, my mom had constant health issues and passed away a year and half ago. Now my dad is having tons of health issues and losing it mentally. I live a mile away from him and feel an immense burden to look after him even though I would love to move. I would take divorce 1000x over compared to the stress I feel worrying about my parents.
Anyway, my dad is an alcoholic which made reading Don's thread on WG interesting. No one knows it really, he is fully functional but I know it, my siblings know it, and my mom sure as h3ll knew it. Probably 5+ drinks per day for 45 years or so. He had a drs appoint a few weeks and comes home saying he wants to go into detox. Great! He did everything on his own, set it all up and went in friday morning. I get a call today saying they had to send him to the hospital because the withdrawals are severe. So I thought I should go visit him. Wow! What a disaster! I cannot believe alcohol withdrawal can have that level of severe side affects. Confusion, hallucinations, shakes, anger... it was unbelievable and incredibly stressful. I probably should have not gone but that thought didn't even enter my mind before hand. I'm sure they are going to have to tie him down tonight.
So I left and I was a bit angry at my brother and sister because I feel like all of the burden is falling on me. I call my brother and tell him that... a bit angrily I admit. He was calm. I think he could get the feeling that there were other things involved beyond what I had witnessed at the hospital. Then I just lost it... i cried and cried and cried like a baby on the phone. Total mental breakdown and there was no controlling it. Just so much stuff was built up and came out. Anger at my dad for how he treated my mom, my life being a mess, and my being sad and lonely and so much more.
The sad and lonely part I did not really realize until that very instant... or at least the extent of it. I miss having someone there for comfort. I miss having someone there to tell about these types of feelings. I just miss it. I thought about it the whole hour drive home. I gotta fix it but know I am in no spot to even try to get into a serious relationship. ugh!
ahhhhhhh... and now there is this half marathon I am supposed to run first thing in the morning... in the pouring rain... jeessshhh. I didn't train because I was supposed to be in China for work so I thought I would not be able to attend... but that travel was postponed at the last minute. I'll just do it and try not to get hurt. Might be beneficial actually.
