I cant remember exactly how its phrased but I've heard many of the problems people face in relationships are unreasonable, people just think the other will change or they can change them. The things argued over in the beginning of a relationship are still there 50 years later. What changes, and matters to long term success, is how the couple communicates through those issues. This is who he is, hes not going to change because you want him to. It doesn't mean hes wrong or this quality is all bad, its just not the right match for you and that's ok.
You've already said you hold things and it effects your treatment of him later, this is resentment building already. "As a result. I am not being a good partner to him either". Is this what you want for the future? His banter is his banter, again, don't expect it to change. You have two choices here. Change yourself and accept all the qualities you don't like in him or part ways. The other options only lead to pain.
Yes, we sometimes have too high expectations about other people in a relationship that may be unrealistic. Yes, in relationships we add to the problems with our own issues and I think holding things in and punishing him later is something you could look into yourself. BUT, fundamentally you realize this isn't the right fit. I know stability and family is important and something you want, I get it and I wish you the best in finding it. Just don't ignore the other important things while you search for it.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
