Am I coming or going?

[DonH]

I join the others Ginger in giving you huge hugs and saying this is not nearly as much about you as it is about HIM! It just is and that is obvious. I think we can talk more down the road but for now you need to take care of you. Whatever is going on will likely reveal itself - unless you chose not to speak with him anymore. I can't see how this would be about his ex wife since he's been D'd for multiple years already - and had something similiar happen to him. It's more likely related to this previous GF as well as the fact that he may just not be mentally healthy for an R.

Even when you do it right, and the person can tell you things were better than with his ex-wife and I am such an amazing person, it's still not enough.

Just this right here tells me he's not making sense. How on earth could he know that someone is better than an ex-wife he lived with for many years and had kids with after only two weeks? How is that possible? I'm not saying it might not ultimately be true but there is simply no way he could know that at this point. It also speaks to the somewhat likely whirlwind nature of it for him.

You also say this happened while naked - after "fooling around.". Without getting graphic... you also said he had too much to drink. Do you think that effected this? Or were you saying it effected his ability to be intimate with you? Was that what was going on right before? I can tell you that male orgasm can produce a huge hormone shift in some guys - even a few minutes of a depression of sorts can follow. I've had it happen to me in years past - mostly with those I was not in love with. None of this explains what's going on in his head but might explain a bit of his behavior - but not at all excuse it.

I can only imagine how you feel with this happening like this. I don't think it's nearly as much about this specific guy but just the whole thing in general. It's one of my biggest fears. I actually fear it more due to past trauma and depression - I fear that I'll fall into a depression like I did post bomb with my WAW. I'm sure the same type of thing is going on with you - the repeated events happening over and over again. Perhaps it's not only about protecting a new R but also protecting yourself from guys you really have not gotten to know yet. They are starting to show who they really are - not who you thought they are.

I don't want to go any further but brought those up to try to illustrate that this is much more about him than it is about you. It simply is. I know it still hurts like heck but you may well have dodged a bullet with this guy if he went from where he went to where he ended in a matter of an hour??????? He's got something going on. Please take care of you and lean on your friends and those of us here however you need to.