Thank you. I really do need all he hugs I can get.
I don't think I did anything wrong. But to hear, and not for the first time, that there is something missing for him that he can't put his finger on really crushes me inside. But maybe that 10% does not come in 2 weeks. Also, for all openness and honesty, I feel so awful because he chose a very intimate vulnerable time to do this. Naked, holding eachother. Telling a woman when you are fully exposed in so many ways what he did in that state has to be about the worst most insensitive time ever. That wasn't the time. You can tell the truth, sure, but not like that. I feel like I just want to cover myself up completely. I never said that to him last night. So I did this morning. NO response of course, but didn't want one. When I jumped out of bed, he just wrapped his arms around me tight and didn't want to let me go. I don't get it.
I don't know if it is the girlfriend or the ex wife that is messing him up. I understand that loss of what you worked hard for and to lose it in a blink of an eye. I feel for his grieving. I really do, and he knows that. I wasn't really "nice" and sweet and understanding after he did what he did, but the way he did it left me super angry.
Want to hear the icing on the cake? I left the house for the home inspection, went to the DMV and got my new plates since I bought out my lease. It was actually a 15 min ordeal. So I went to the bookstore. Bought some books, grabbed a coffee and waiting a while. On my way home, I was turning off the main 2 lane road to where my street was. Sitting there with my blinker on waiting to make my turn. And then "BOOM" a lyft driver rear ended me hard, Damaged my car even more, and I never even got an estimate from the first. I just lost it, crying uncontrollably. The officer is someone I went to high school with. He felt bad and wished me a better week and said he was sorry this all happened.
In a week, I lost my house, I am facing an eviction, I lost a guy I cared about and got seriously rejected, and got in 2 car accidents all in one week. My mental resolve is yet again being tested. I am near a breakdown. I had plans with my friends today to shop eat and get some drinks. I tried to back out, but my friend won't let me. Another friend who is coming also went through a bad breakup last week. These friends are always there for me and we are always there for each other. I am so fortunate for that. We won't let each other fall. We just won't, no matter what. That is rare.
I took 2 Xanax because I have been shaking and crying. I need to just lay in my bed, watch orange is the new black and eat my free cookie.
