There is no one else. I'm 99.9 percent sure of that. We did spend a lot of time together. Great time. It was a great night. But I didn't get too attached. He was the one doing the invites. He was the pursuer the whole time. I am pretty sure he is still messed up over the end of his marriage.
I really made an effort to do everything right this time. I don't think it was me. that 10% that is missing is in him. Not me. But I am kind of traumatized even more now. Even when you do it right, and the person can tell you things were better than with his ex-wife and I am such an amazing person, it's still not enough.
It's easier to hear maybe you don't have a connection. Or you are too different. Or I chew funny. But no. It kills when someone tells you just about everything is right, but it's not enough.
I am taking this so hard because I don't think I can trust what I feel anymore. I can't even trust what seems to be going great. I didn't see this coming. Not in the least. And let alone to have it hit while you are holding someone naked in bed. I mean come on! I may never be able to not have anxiety while dating or in a relationship. Too many time I have been dropped like this. I'll just wait for it.
He lost a seriously wonderful woman. I know who I am. It took me a long time to figure it out, but I know my worth.
Its storming here and I can't even lay in my bed and cry properly. I have to get out of the house for the home inspection. And go to the DMV which is even worse. Life goes on, I guess. My baby comes home tomorrow. I can't wait to hug her and not let her go.
