Read the detachment thread. You are confusing detached with checked out. You both were checked out before, not detached.
Also google self differentiation in marriage. That's what you are shooting for. Derachment isn't ignoring her. It's not being focused on her. It's not reacting emotionally to what she says and does. It's being present (notice the opposite of checked out), but not following her around, hounding her, and looking like a puppy dog trying to win her approval.
Go read my first 2 or 3 threads. You'll see Istruggled with the same thing.
Once you're not focused like a laser on her, and once you're not reacting emotionally to what she says and does, and you can have light, fun conversation and some non- sexual touch affection without expectations, then by all means start sprinkling some of that in.
Do what works. Stop anything that doesn't.
Thanks man. Can you link those threads?
Well I'm definitely not hounding her or vying for any affection from her. I haven't reacted to anything she's said in the past week, cause she hasn't really said anything. Neither of us have. We're both communicating about pertinent things, but nothing meaningful. Which again, was her big reason for the bomb.
Again, I honestly think she is just building up the courage, and getting validation from others to proceed with the D. Not much I can do about that. When she complained about me being 'super nice' a few days after BD, I immediately stopped. But, even in those days, I wasn't hounding her or trying to have meaningful conversations. I was just being nice and accomodating. Maybe I should have kept that up, to show her it wasn't just an act, it was something I'm capable of changing?
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
