I went to his house. He made me dinner, we watched TV, He probably drank too much. We fooled around. After, while we were holding each other he told me it feels 90% right. But not all right. He said it was him and was messed up. I got really upset, got dressed and left. He was hugging me and holding me and he was trying not to let me go. I just told him I had to go, I couldn't take this. He kept beggiing me to text him when I get home. I told him I wasn't going to and I would fine,, while crying.
He was texting me to make sure I got home ok, and Ifnally answered and we had a text exchange. He is just os messed up right now, blah blah blah. He said he felt like we got along better than him and his ex and it was exciting. I am such a wonderful person and mother. He cares a lot for me. But he can't figure anything out.
I didn't see this coming. I am so hurt. I mean so so hurt. I lost a lot this week. He wasn't something I thought I was going to lose. Not like this. And this way.
It is the story of my life. I am so wonderful, supposedly, but the guy just can't do it. I mess up their heads apparently.
I am dying inside. I can't believe this happened again. What do I do? Become some emotionally unavailable bltch? Because they win. I lose. Every single time. I think it twists the knife more when I am told how I am one of the best things but something is missing. I would rather a guy tell me "this is what I don't like". But they can't tell me what they can change They tell me how much better I am better than the love of their lives, then dump me. HC even texted me today saying he wants to be friends and still hang out But I am not good enough to him for anything else. I left some stuff behind that I don't need. He said he can bring it by to me. I told him none of that stuff is important.
Please don't tell me what I did wrong. I really felt like I was doing things right. May I have hung out with him one too many days this week, I don't think that put the nail in the coffin. I don't know what did.
I can't go through this anymore. I can't trust what is real or isn't real. This too painful.
I lost a potential home, my currrent home is in limbo, I lost a guy I felt might have potential. I gave him a chance. I lost a lot. Anything that made my heart warm is gone in the matter of a week. I can't handle anymore losses. I am going to lose it.
His last words to me were "I wish you and D10 the best. You make a great team from what I learned so far. She is a mini you" What a d@mn fool for getting rid of me.
I made a difference at work today. A patient is leaving after a long stay. I advocated for him and he is doing excellent. His daughter is his caretake who is a single school teacher. She suffers from sever anxiety and depression. At one point she was spinning out of control thinking the worst. She tole me today I was the only one who could help her see the light at the end of the tunnel and was able to talk her down from a scary downward spiral. She hugges me and said she would be forever grateful, the patient hugged and kissed me and was so thank ful.
I make a difference. I am a good person. I can recognize the hurt in others. I try to help it. Ease it.
He is a fool. He made the biggest mistake of his life. But this was the straw that broke the camels back for me. I am now going to be single by choice. I can't do this again. I don't have it in me. I can't hear the same story over and over.
It's my daughter. She will keep me going and I will live for her. I will take my health into my hands again. I will get fit again. I will make personal goals that involve no one but me. I will honor where I am in life. An independent woman who loves hard, is kind, is driven. I will give whatever I have left in me to the areas and people that deserve it. Who appreciate it and don't want t lose it.
I don't know what else to do.
Thanks for listening.
Last edited by job; 08/11/1812:22 PM. Reason: edited for wording
