Yet Another LBS w/ WAW

[hongaku]

So, I've taken to writing down all the things I want to say to my W that I know I can't in letter form. Purely for my own release. I don't know if it will help or not, but I have all these things I wish I could say that I know mean f**k-all to my W right now and that there is no reasoning, no apologies, no expression of commitment or emotion that will move the needle in a positive direction for my sitch. But these things keep ringing in my mind anyway, in an utterly futile scream of grief and pain. Maybe getting it out, even if it's just on a computer screen will prove cathartic somehow.

Next Saturday my cousin and some of his friends are going to have an overnight dude's camping trip in the Shenandoah's. Canoeing, music jamming, camp fire, grilling and some beer drinking will ensue. I don't think I've done an all male outing like that in over 15 years. Very much looking forward to it.

I've had an interview each of the last 2 weeks and another coming up on Monday. All with reputable universities. As my ultimate goal is to get a graduate degree in something I want to spend the rest of my professional life doing (psychology/counseling at the moment is the lead contender), getting a job at a good university is the best pathway I can see to doing that.

I will be heading to the family home soon to pick the boys up for an overnight here at my cousin's place. Pizza, soda, games and movies on the agenda. They never would get soda before, but I've been relaxing that rule since they've been hanging with me, not to excess of course. My W hates it though... oh well. I don't know if I should attempt to initiate a visitation discussion about me getting more time with the kids. I want to, but I also want to try not initiating any convo at all.