Wife wants to separate at end of school year # 2

[SteveLW]

Bhuda, no one will blame you. 3 years is a long time. I really meant it when I complimented you on your self reflection at the beginning of your previous post. That was outstanding and I wish more newbies were that clear thinking in their sitches too. But then you went in the other direction. Only you know when enough is enough. But let me tell you the story about my friend Bob's parent.

Bob and I worked together in the late-80s. Since we both were big partiers (I have since cleaned up my life but back then I was a full blown alcoholic), and like the same kind of music (80s metal!) we struck up a friendship. Started hanging out and partying together. While I was an alkie, I was unlike the rest of his friends. For lack of saying it any differently, they were losers. Unemployed, thinking they'd make it in a band, globbing on to anyone that would fund them until they found another sucker.

I wasn't like that. I was educated, skilled, employed. Both his mom and dad took an immediate liking to me. Encouraged Bob to hang around me.But this is where the story gets weird. His mom and dad NEVER interacted. His dad would get home from work, get something to eat, watch or listen to the local MLB team (or some other sport) and the sleep in his own room. Bob's mom and 2 sisters shared a room. And Bob and his brother shared a room. We are talking a 900 sq ft, 3 bedroom suburban home! Trust me it took an EFFORT for his parents to never interact. All communication was done through the kids. His youngest sister was in her teens, the 3 older kids were all in their late teens or early 20s. Bob also had older siblings that had moved out. I believe there were 6 kids in all.

So how does a couple that produced 6 kids in the span of nearly 20 years end up living in such close proximity but never interacting? I never understood it. Nor did I understand why they didn't just split and go their separate ways. I was close to Bob for the better part of 5 years before our lives took us in different directions. Never once in 5 years did I see his parents interact in any way. And I was over there a lot.

Bob and I got back into contact with each other several years ago. His mom had been in a bad car accident. She had a lot of other health problems. I finally asked how his parents were getting along and he said they were never closer. That the fear of losing his mom had completely changed his dad. I said how long had then been in their stalemate before things thawed. Almost 20 years.

The point is that if you are patient, eventually something might cause her to take stock and realize that life is too short. And come back to the MR. I can't tell you to give her another hour, day, month, year or decade. That is up to you. But just because it is like this now and has been for 3 years doesn't mean it won't change at some point.

That is why I asked you how you thought she'd respond. Those of us that were in lmibo know how terrible it is. Obviously we all wanted a committed spouse that was actively working on the MR. But I would have taken limbo for however long it needed to last over losing the love of my life. Maybe I would have grown tired at some point and given up, IDK, but really think about it long and hard before you just wily-nilly take that step.