"How could I commit to being your wife without even getting to know who you are today?"
while I'm where I am in my sitch THAT bothers the H out of me. I mean she made a choice to split us up, I tried a bit to see if she wanted to work on us, got shot down and have been leaving her alone as a result, BUT I still think a big feeling to her could be that exact statement above. it reeks of an LBS pursuing and requiring us to be counter to what folks recommend here, yet as time goes/hope diminishes man does that gnaw at you. did I make the right decision? not saying pursue her, talk R, the works, but between the two pursuit/detach is there some middle ground that might have provided a better result such that I as an LBS would not feel like she might be right/justified in hitting me with that comment?
I can hear my W saying that same thing as justification for D insinuating that by my "inaction" I was directly responsible for where my sitch is right now.
Agree 100% with what everyone has already told you. I want to point out that this is your "desperate internal pursuer" looking for *any* excuse to resume pursuit.
Of all the thousands of things you read on this forum, why do you think you keyed in on that line?
It's because it cracks open the door just a little bit to give you a seemingly rational excuse to try some pursuit.
Shut that down.
How could *anybody* commit to being in a relationship with you without getting to know who you are now? No one could. So why would anybody invest the time to get to know you? Because you're an attractive person to get to know.
How do you be an attractive person to get to know? You're confident, self-assured and happy! At this point she has to come to you, and you can't induce her to do that, as much as you want to try.
Acc
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
