I have been doing so much thinking about my sitch. I have waited for the W to initiate the conversation. I realised that all M discussions of the past were initiated out of anger. I am in a better place now and things are cordial. There is still tension in the house. I continuously ask her how her day has been but never go beyond that unless she wants divulge more information on her own I keep my answers short when she reciprocates. Our last discussion was back in September of 2017. All she asked was if I want to proceed through litigation or mediation. This was a no brainer, and I replied Mediation. After that answer, the discussion stopped. Nothing has been said since. Looking back I do not know if she was trying to get a more in depth response from me. Did I do the unexpected? I believe so. I think she was expecting me to grovel and beg so she could start on the offensive again. That was a 180 for me.

A couple months ago I think she was trying to get a reaction out of me. One day when I returned home there was a registered letter addressed to both of us. It was from a real estate agent thank us for our inquiry into using him to help sell our house. I do not think she expected the package. I opened it and looked at all the material and left it on the counter for her to see it. I never acknowledge the information with her. Again she was trying to bait me into a heated discussion.

She cannot start the discussion. I have decided I need to start it and living in Limbo is unacceptable.below is what I plan to say. I would appreciate any opinions on my approach. Please let me know what you think.

It has been too long since we have discussed our relationship. All previous discussions have been initiated out of anger. I am in a better place now.

Our present situation is unacceptable. We cannot continue living this way. We are together but apart. Whatever the future has in store, our lives will always be intertwined due to the boys. Our children will experience many milestones that will make us both proud. Graduations, marriages, birth of grandchildren plus many other events that will happen in their lives. Because of these milestones we can never be truly apart.

The decisions that we make going forward will truly have an affect on the lives of our children. The examples we set could affect how the boys view relationships going forward. We both have too much love for the boys and care for them so much. I do not want to put the boys through a failed marriage. Our love for them is so great. We want the best for the boys and we owe it to them to do our best to keep our marriage intact.

We are approaching three years since you dropped the bomb on me. Our marriage is broken but it can be fixed. Lack of communication and discussion played a vital role that led to where we are now. I believe there is still hope for us.

We know why the marriage is broken. We also know what needs to be done to repair the damage. Quoting my brother from his speech at our niece’s wedding: The Three C’s are the foundation to what will keep a marriage together.” “Communication, commitment and compromise.” Some time during our marriage we omitted all three.
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I do not believe separating is the solution. An attempt should be made to work things out. A true and honest effort needs to be put forth. It will take time. It will not be an overnight success. Put our hearts and minds into working things out. A full 100% commitment and effort should be attempted to rebuild our relationship from the ground up.

After we put in a determined effort, tried our best to work things out together, and should you decide we cannot work things out, at least we can say we did all we could to save this marriage. Then we can honestly tell the boys we tried everything to stay married. We have lived much too long like this and nothing has been done to improve things. That ends now. It will be a journey. There may be bumps and roadblocks ahead but together we can over come any obstacles. Compromise, commitment and most importantly, communication can only lead us on the path to reconciliation.

Let's start dating again. Do things together.

I am taking this first step. Will you take this step with me?

Don't count the days, make the days count.
Mohammad Ali