Interesting exchange with H! You seem to have ahandled it very well! Isn't it amazing how DBing has becoem part of us now??!
I like your magic trick analogy too!!
Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.... (thoreau)
Oh look, the PMA queen is back!! Hi Sun, nice to see you brightening up this place again. I noticed you were posting over on the MLC-depression thread... I read over there a lot. Good insight, esp. from MGoBlue and Snodderly.
Triple J, I stole my post name from your earlier post. My magic act analogy refers to focusing on me (someone I can control and someone I rather like)... but hey, if your W is around, I'll try some tricks on her and see what I come up with. Send her this way.
My magic is apparently not working wonders on my H these days-- not much word from him except for some intermittent email interest in my computer issue. I've been thinking some about this and feel I've really come to an understanding of space, dropping ropes, letting go and all that good stuff. Also come to a good place about the "friends" issue. I've defined what that means to me, and realized that the same work required of us both to be friends is the same work required for beginning to rebuild our R/M...trust, understanding, honesty, etc. So that's where I am on that issue. Open to the idea, but not focusing on it. Open to H, but not exclusively unless something shifts. And open, but not settling for a "friendship" of benign neglect as Azure so nicely put it earlier.
I am having a fantastic week -- wonder-wise, if we forget that my big project at work is running behind production schedule.
So... working on my goals (which include having fun)...
I am a teen mentor and we went bowling yesterday with the kids... my first time ever bowling. I did pretty good too. Also taking on new roles within the 2 professional groups I am involved in, my course on goals is going well, just started a challenging new yoga class and started learning bellydance (boy is THAT hard!). Also caught up with a friend I haven't seen in a while-- planning to do some fun outdoor type things together for summer.
And if I can work around the planning snafus, there is an outside chance that I may join some family members on a last-minute vacation to Mexico next week... it's been on-again, off-again, but I'm hoping.
I am so inspired by your wonder-ful week! All great stuff. Love your subject line, too.
Thinking about your qualifications for friendship is an excellent step. I remember you were thinking about sending a letter a la Betsy -- do you think you might still do this? Outline the friendship guidelines for H?
I was looking for one of your quotes that has stayed in my mind, but couldn't find it yesterday. Something to the effect that you have decided you will have love in your life, and H can come along and be a part of it if he decides to... This is how I'm feeling lately.
Yes, I aim to be learning more about building websites. Perhaps I can practice on yours -- I don't know if I would be as slow as your H, though, LOL. Tell me, is it a big extensive site, or just a few pages, or somewhere in between? Does it have to have forms or frames or lots of interactive stuff? I am thinking of making a website in memorium to my dad, too.
Keep on keeping on in that classy, elegant way of yours! I admire you.
Well, the next line in the Bullwinkle cartoon is supposed to be: "Aww, that trick never works!"
But it's working... I'm going on vacation! Yahoo!
Divine Ms. A, I think the words you're looking for were in one of my emails. Not sure about that letter or whether it will be talking... waiting until I know what I really need to say.
Quote: Yes, I aim to be learning more about building websites. Perhaps I can practice on yours -- I don't know if I would be as slow as your H, though, LOL. Tell me, is it a big extensive site, or just a few pages, or somewhere in between? Does it have to have forms or frames or lots of interactive stuff? I am thinking of making a website in memorium to my dad, too.
What a cool idea to memorialize your dad!
Re: mine, I'm envisioning a pretty basic web site--just a few pages with pdf portfolio samples. Ordinary stuff.
I started over, and a friend was "helping" but got stuck on a project. H just dropped the ball, so to speak. I'm not really sure why he offered to do it and then didn't do the work because it would take him no time at all. He's quite good. I can email you with details and then you can decide if you want any part of it.
Triple J, I'm jealous too-- about the little ones... that sounds like fun to me. Hope you have a great weekend too!
For several days, that eerie Cainercast has been saying I need to step back to see the big picture... I find that thing mystifying in its ability to capture my mood, but I am pretty sure this is probably some projection on my part.
This week: More serious business emails from H... offering advice on my computer. Nothing more. More serious flirting from people who are not H. Nothing more.
Ahhh well. My magic is working on me and right now, that is what's important to me.
I am so glad to see your "magic" is working! When do you leave for Mexico?? Have FUN and soak up some SUN for me!!!!!
Quote: More serious business emails from H... offering advice on my computer. Nothing more. More serious flirting from people who are not H. Nothing more.
This sounds like a good week...especially the flirting!
I know what you mean about the "freinds" thing....Deb gave me good advice on my thread to "leave the door open" for H but not to really focus on him. I plan to try it.....what do I have to lose, right??!
Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.... (thoreau)
I leave in a few days... I'll be sure to soak up some sun. Sure could use some here in the rain capital of the Northeast (so it feels lately). In the meantime, I have a lot of work to do!!
Quote: This sounds like a good week...especially the flirting!
This cracked me up. Thing is, my flirting back really needs some work! I think I've forgotten how that works.
In my brief interactions with H this week, H was doing that male "teacher" thing: sharing his expertise and seemingly enjoying the opportunity. And I appreciate that side of him tremendously so it was nice to see it resurface again. We always connect well when he is in that place.
Yeah, the friend thing is tough because what I realized is that the things I need from him as a friend are the exact same basic things--trust, understanding, honesty, loyalty, reliability, etc., etc.--I've needed from him as a potential partner during our attempts at healing and reconciliation. (The things I need to do are also similar.)
That raises a lot of questions for me... like will a release of M pressure somehow allow what I've worked for to come forth more consistently? Or does the lack of consistency on those fronts eliminate the possibility of being friends?
Big fat questions and I suppose they are ones I have to answer for myself. I have no complete answers... but oddly, I feel perfectly fine about having no answers. And that's growth for me.
In fact, ever have that feeling like something is about to shift? That's how I've been feeling. I'm not sure in which area of my life that's going to happen-- so many are in flux, really-- but it feels like being on the cusp of something.
I know what you mean about being a little rusty with the flirting...maybe you will get to practice more on vacation??!
You have lots of good questions.....I have similar ones. It does feel good to be okay without immediate answers. I hate having PATIENCE, but I have to admit, it really does work!
I like how your H is doing the "teacher" thing and that you are letting it happen....H loved to be "smarter" than me about certain things and I never minded as long as he respected my opinion in things that mattered to me!
Soak up some sun for me....and while you're at it, please toast us all with a GIANT margarita!!!!!!!!!!
Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.... (thoreau)
I love following your thread but I don't post to you much. Just hope you have a great time in Margaritaville and keep posting as I love lurking! Totally
Quote: I like how your H is doing the "teacher" thing and that you are letting it happen....H loved to be "smarter" than me about certain things and I never minded as long as he respected my opinion in things that mattered to me!
Oh, I can relate to this. This is something I've thought a lot about-- H is smarter than me about certain things-- no doubt. In fact, he's smarter than most people I know. But I don't think he sees that in himself sometimes, or at least his nontraditional education/career routes (and his family) have left him with some baggage about the topic.
I think I haven't always communicated effectively how much I appreciate that side of him-- and also he has not been willing to accept those kinds of compliments from me--instead always giving them.
Hey Totally, I'm a lurker on your thread too! You've sure been doing some hard work!! Thanks for popping out to say hi. Take care.
Isn't it amazing how DBing has becoem part of us now??! 
