Patience, DB, Detach... piecing or divorce

[Parkema]

Hi Did,

What’s your motivation here?

I see this all too often and it worries me that BS/LBS tend to press the “I’m going to pursue D” button too soon due to frustration, it’s your choice of course but your situation is still quite new!
Don’t get me wrong D might happen BUT it should be (In my opinion) the guilty party who pursues it UNLESS detrimental to you and your kids then by all means go ahead. I say this because (again my opinion) you need to slow everything down and let the R cycle take its course.

DON’T BE OFFENDED...
How would you react differently if god forbid she had died instead of had an A? Mourn for a month then get on with your life right?

Hard as it would have been I would have preferred my WW to have died than do what she did and continues to do NOT because I feel hurt and betrayed but because I would have had no other choice but to move on with my life. An extreme example but the principle is a good example on how we manage our situation with the benefit that doing things correctly can then “raise the dead” and bring our M possibly back together.

I read your posts and see so many push behaviors, you “lets go for a drink” WW thinking to herself “I don’t want to go for a drink with you” you push her away a little. DTR let her come to you you deserve better.

Lastly my WW BD nearly 2-years ago but I’m still M M men don’t go looking for another R it makes us no better than the wayward, I might be wrong but would suggest Sandi would say the same. Lighthouse..?

With time you will get to a better place but please forget D UNLESS detrimental to you after all this is why we’re all here right..?

Mark.

[ovrrnbw]

Hey Did,

hope you're doing well. Your W is still interested. Like Loves said, she is temp checking all the time. Unfortunately you are "failing" the test.

I would just second what Loves said. In another thread a while back she also said "How can she miss you if you're always there?" Think about that.

You can do this. Maybe find more support to tell the things to instead of telling it to your W.

[Did]

W texts me about parenting stuff today end up texting too much she was crying texting me because d3 was crying. W tells me she doesn’t want more kids during night the conversation. Accusing me of not being consistent with our parenting and D3 saying but dad lets me. Text less text less text least. Be quiet. Just say ok and validated. Smack myself In the head!

[Did]

Thanks ovr and loves you’re right. Sandi was right a month ago. There’s no reason to talk to her.

[SteveLW]

W texts me about parenting stuff today end up texting too much she was crying texting me because d3 was crying. W tells me she doesn’t want more kids during night the conversation. Accusing me of not being consistent with our parenting and D3 saying but dad lets me. Text less text less text least. Be quiet. Just say ok and validated. Smack myself In the head!

My D used to say that to my W and then that my W let's her to me too! All kids do that. She seems to be struggling as a mom.

[Did]

She is struggling in general. Wish I could do something for her but it’s not my role. Trying to focus on detaching and letting her go through her own struggles. It’s outside my control but sharing a child makes it hard. Have to stop believing what she says as if it’s truth.

Any advice on how to respond to temp checks? And to recognize that’s what she’s doing in the moment.

Thanks

[Loves77]

Omg. You make me laugh- I say this nicely. You ask for advice on temp checking. WE HAVE BEEN TELLING YOU THE ADVICE.

[Loves77]

Be indifferent. Be pleasant. Be ready to go.

Something just popped into my head. Treat he like she is your child's baby sitter. I don't mean it to sound cold. But that is exactly how you should be with her.

Think about drop off and pick ups with a sitter. They should be pleasant right? You might converse for some minutes but then bounce.

[WillD78]

This is brilliant:

Treat he like she is your child's baby sitter. I don't mean it to sound cold. But that is exactly how you should be with her.

Think about drop off and pick ups with a sitter. They should be pleasant right? You might converse for some minutes but then bounce.

[Did]

Will do. Like she’s the babysitter. Thanks!