Thank you all for the support and advice. I have been reading like crazy and staying busy! It does seem to help.
I will attempt to put more detail in my sitch for you. H45/W44. We have known each other since Jr. High and had allot of the same friends. She has D19/S17 from her 1st M. I have S11 whose maternal mother died when he was 2 yrs old. Hi s mother and I were engaged at the time of her death. That event changed me forever, I was horrified! I raised my S alone for the next 3 yrs and dated no one during this time. As time went on, and I was no longer grieving, I decided that I no longer wanted to be alone. I wanted a woman in my life again as well as a mother to my son. The woman that I called that day is my W. She moved in with me and my son and everything was great. We got M after 2 yrs of being together and decided to move into a bigger home. Things seemed to go downhill from that time on. Neither one of us were taking very good care of ourselves physically and I became very depressed, leading to a SSM. I was ignoring her and we were NOT communicating well at all. Instead of working on the marriage, we argued constantly. I'm fairly certain that it was during this time that she started talking with OM online. .She was losing jobs faster than she could get them too which was causing financial issues as well. This went on for 6months or so. She was treating me like dirt and it was pissing me off. She ended up taking all of our pictures of the walls as ways to punish me I guess, she moved downstairs for a week, then her and her D were gone. Should of seen that coming!! She claimed she was just moving her D out and was planning on coming back home...yeah right. I wasn't buying it. I changed the door locks and wouldn't let her in. Probably went a little over the top, but did she not think that I would be a little angry? She tried to come over and would text me many times. I basically shut down. I was angry!!
4 months later, she told me she was on a date. I wasn't ready to hear that. We argued vigorously for days after that, then POOF..my anger was gone and reality set in that this was all real. I was headed for D. I told her ILY for the 1st time in months and she got really emotional. We actually started going to lunch together for a week or so. She came to the house, we were intimate, she told me ILY. A few days later she tells me that I can text her but that's it. Man, my emotions were jacked up!
I was desperate, I wanted answers. I found the DR. I listened to my coach and started GAL. Some of the best advise I've ever gotten! I'm sure that I'm doing more wrong than I am right ,but I feel better more days than not. It is also allowing me to focus more on my S.
