Maika, I'm not surprised to hear there are some changes in your wife or that she's reaching out because she must have been thinking a lot over this past year too. It's hard to know what to think without knowing more, but this sounds like a good time to see what she wants since you're already considering divorce so this could either seal-the-deal or it could be the start of a slow journey towards considering whether this could ever be fixed. I hope you'll keep us posted. What you describe sounds a bit like what's happening with my husband - after almost a year he's been getting steadily nicer but it's hard to know the intentions of these spouses who walk away as if we're nothing to them.
Hey Nicole! Yeh, it's very hard to know what's actually going on with her when I have so few data points. The pattern is just different compared to the past 12 months in her behavior and so that's why I have my guard up. Her actions were not major in any significant way, but just a string of them over a week that made me take a step back and think about it. Not sure if she's going to IC and they are suggesting a different approach, or this is just a manipulative move on her part because we need to have a convo about some things that have some conflict associated with it.
But it's also been a bit hot and cold. One day she was nice and the next day barely said anything to me, and then she was nice. Not really sure what to make of it and I am not wasting my energy trying to dissect something that has no conclusive answer. I'll just go along and see how things unfold. I'll have a decent idea in the next few weeks probably.
As the LBS, it's hard not to be cynical about their niceness - like they're doing it because they want something from us. I have a feeling that my hunch about that is right, but let's see.
Based on the convo we need to have, I'll have a good idea of how to proceed about D. I am already looking into different options and have some lawyer friends that I need to chat with. There is an amicable process that can keep things out of court, except getting the final D decree. So, I'd much prefer to pursue that but I need to find out more about it.
Hope things are good with you and your daughter is doing well. I am around, but just not as much. I will definitely post what happens in my sitch and not leave anyone hanging after this long saga of events.
Put down an application to rent an apartment today. It's a lot smaller than where I am at, but that doesn't bother me. I was just in a bit of a mood today because of it. Had to move real fast with the application because the apartments at this location get picked up pretty fast. I won't find out if I got it until next week, but I am first in line for the applications and so hopefully it works out.
The main reason I wanted to move to this neighborhood is because it's in my kids school zone and I wanted to make sure that kids would stay at the same school. I just wanted to do it for my peace of mind because W could up and move or decide something else. I don't think she would do it without talking to me, but I just needed this not to be a stress factor for me. So, I am pretty relieved that I can at least control this aspect of my kids future for now.
I think I was in a mood today because it feels like going back to square one. After living in such apartments and switching for many years, we finally had a place that was everything we would've wanted - to moving back into an apartment within the span of 22 months is just unbelievable. Never thought I'd be back here.
Kids were upset by the potential for this change, but we talked about it and I will make this place exciting and fun and home for them. The place I am at has been good as an in-between place, but it's been killing my budget in rent. The new place is much cheaper and so I can get back on track on finances, pay down debt, and start saving. It's going to take some time, but it's not a far off future where I will start having good savings.
After being bummed out for a while, I am okay now. This new place is a ticket to financial freedom and starting over. I am looking at it as a fresh start and the opportunity for a do-over. I am also looking forward to crushing it in other areas of life. Boss has promised a better financial package and benefits by the end of this year, and so I know that things are on an upswing. My limbs are healing well and so should be able to start working out and climbing by mid to late September. I can't wait to get back to strength training and going to my zen place with climbing.
I am still very grateful that I do have more than enough resources for food, decent shelter, and some luxuries in life. I have some good people in my life and I have a vision for my life. It's just going to take some time and I have to grind it out and keep learning from the struggles.
M.....no shame living in an apt......I almost did it myself as I get tired of maintaining the house. I like the idea of being in the same school zone as the kids......keep moving!
Yeh for sure J. It just felt like going massively backwards in life. But sometimes you have to take 2 steps backwards and recalibrate to move forward. The school zone was the main issue and I had limited choices to choose from in the neighborhood. So, I am relieved that this issue will be a non-issue soon. Moving forward is the motto for real. It will be good to get out of my current place and start a fresh chapter. This was my DB house lol. Now, next phase activated.
Good to hear Maika. Fresh chapters are super helpful, and being able to save and take care of yourself financially is important. I know it might feel crappy, but you are doing right by your kids and taking care of yourself financially.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Thanks Davide. Yeh, it's most definitely the right decision for now and the long term. I was initially quite excited about the prospect of doing this, but when I actually did it today, I felt quite bummed out. So, I just had to give my feelings their voice and let myself feel crappy. It didn't last very long, but I didn't want to dismiss how I felt - which is how I've dealt with my emotions in the past to not so great effect. I tried to be present and get through it.
Kids are of course not happy with any change that might come their way, and I don't blame them for feeling that way with what they've gone through. I am aiming to create a 'home' for them with them and keep the foundation of love strong.
Man Nef......you haven't cried in a long time Get back to your microscope.
M - I like how you framed it from a transition standpoint. Your current place is all about DB and your new place is about your future. I love your optimism.
Get back to your microscope.