My sibling is berating me for adopting a let her go mindset. Sibling says I should be telling my WAW and WAW family that I am ruining my kids and her step kids life and that she needs to work on the marriage, because WAW and WAW's family are too scared to give her a wake up call. I disagree with this approach and believe lovingly detach is the only way forward. Any advice from the board on how to keep your family away from trying to intervene or how to respond in this. In a way, sibling did not like my WAW from the beginning and now says I deserved this. Many thanks. I feel like I am being dumped on by my family.
My sibling is berating me for adopting a let her go mindset. Sibling says I should be telling my WAW and WAW family that I am ruining my kids and her step kids life and that she needs to work on the marriage, because WAW and WAW's family are too scared to give her a wake up call. I disagree with this approach and believe lovingly detach is the only way forward. Any advice from the board on how to keep your family away from trying to intervene or how to respond in this. In a way, sibling did not like my WAW from the beginning and now says I deserved this. Many thanks. I feel like I am being dumped on by my family.
b8, this is tough. Your sibling is well meaning. Has your sibling ever been through this? Do they have any experience with it? Have they read books and done other study into relationships, marriage, and divorce?
The problem is that our family and friends want what is best for us sometimes over knowledge, logic and reason. Your sibling is falling for the illusion of action. "You have to do something to fix it!" The problem is that, as most of the LBSs here can attest to, there is nothing you can DO to change your WAS's mind. That is the first real of DBing, understand that you can only control one person: YOU. Your sibling means well, but they are wrong. If it were as easy as they are suggesting this forum wouldn't even exist.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Thank you, Steve. Could not agree more. Yes, the sibling has been through a divorce and remarried. Sibling got into a separation with his current W and negotiated his way back, so I think sibling thinks a one size fits all approach works. Sibling is an action person, so I am trying to keep him away from WAW and WAW family so nothing is said that will only make matters worse.
Question for the veterans - How often have you seen WAW back away from filing? Also, are there any other particular strategies to implement now since WAW filed, besides LRT?
Hi black, there's not going to be any hard data out there. And even if there was, it doesn't help your sitch. Refocus that energy in the right place. We'll see if anyone else chimes in.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Thank you ovrrnbw. Now that we are completely separated, I was curious. I still cannot grasp the fact the two days after a vacation, WAW files. I am staying positive and upbeat; just anxious about the kiddos whose stepmother is doing this to them after they just got to know her.
Looking forward to the kids exchange this week. It will be at a busy location and the stay with me and my eldest kids will be the longest they have been away from WAW. Keeping my fingers crossed that the youngest will make it without WAW. Today was hard. Eldest kids hung up photos of them and WAW. Painful and saddening to see this because they do not know what is happening. Responded to filing and no word yet what will come next. WAW expects payout but will learn she will not get as much as she thinks. It may turn her back around but we will see.
Just venting... I am at my mums house with my eldest awaiting the arrival of my two youngest tomorrow with WAW. A quick exchange at a public place and then it's off for 5 days. It saddens me to see all the photos around mums house of WAW. I cannot tell my mum; she is old and would not bear to hear about this, so I am lying and saying WAW is away for work. My eldest kids think it is just a test for me and them to be able to spend time with their siblings away from WAW. My mum will see WAW and her parents on exchange day, so who knows how that will go. Holding my siblings and other family back from yelling at WAW for wrecking the kids lives.
I have to stay strong but I am scared at times. How will I manage custody in two different states with 4 kids? How will my two eldest handle yet another divorce in their lives? What will my xW and soon to be 2 xWs act with this arrangement? Not knowing hurts me. Working out at the gym and spending time with the kids helps. At times I think this is all a nightmare and my WAW will wake up from this and want to stay together as a family. But I know letting go is the best thing to do and I am doing my best to do so. I just regret the day telling my eldest they are going to experience another divorce. A part of me wants my WAW to be there with me to tell them, but I think she is too scared to do so. She never told me anything in person. Wants separation via text. Wants divorce via email and then does not talk. It's cowardly. Any tips on while the kids are with me? Do I send photos and let her know kids are ok? This is the first time they will spend overnight without their mom...
Update. Two days with all the kids. First time they are with me without WAW. They do not even ask for her. I miss her and hope she is well, but I will not text her. Surprised she has not checked in.
Any advice on when WAW only wants to communicate via email or text? Should I ask it be over the phone? She separated and announced divorce to me over text, which I find cowardly. She is most comfortable with writing but I think talking over the phone is better. Thoughts?
