Advice on my Scenario Pt. 22

[Dtrmned]

Orange,
I have commented a few times on your sitch. I have no idea how you have felt about the posts, but I do hope they have helped. I realize I am from a generation ahead of you and my viewpoints are only formed by my history, thoughts, education and environment. Yours, I would think, were formed the same way. I can say that I enjoy reading your posts, both to keep up on your situation, but I have to say it is more for the entertainment value that is involved. You can read someone posting to give you input, help, guidance, or to just help you vent, and as I am reading their posts, I can only imagine the response that will come and the quicker it comes, the more entertaining it is. You are in a bad situation. Your MR was and is being destroyed. Your family is being torn apart. Your dreams for your family's future are being torched right in front of you. I am hopeful that you have support from family and friends outside of this board. BUT, you reached out to this board. You must have felt some need or desire to align yourself with MWD's views, thoughts as well as believing that her program could help you. I am no veteran. I haven't been on this board very long. And my own situation is still very much going on with the final outcome still unknown (I still have faith and hope, but I have very bad days as well where I am shocked, depressed or just lost in my own head over how this happened). If you keep having the same issues/blowups/problems/disgreements/whatever with people regardless of age, gender, how long their relationship was, differences between cultures, after awhile, I believe on should examine where the problem really lies. Again, I am not a judge, psychologist, counselor or any of that. I am a father (2 great kids), currently a husband (questionable of course due to the sitch but still love my W and take my vows seriously), My W and I have been together for 21 years and we have some vast experience in the ups and downs of marriage and family through the years. I have had many 2x4's sent my way here. I value each and every one of them since where my MR is I am so lost in what to do. Again, I would imagine a big reason why you came to this board as well. I have had comments from 30 year olds married for a year all the way up to the more mature (we respect our elders here, lol) that were married forever, some that made it to R and a better MR and others who made it though D and are happy with their lives. They don't have to be here to offer support. Believing someone is a keyboard psychologist with nothing better to do. This may be accurate in some ways, but I am not getting that. Most of the replies to my posts have been reinforcement of MWD's philosophies and just helping through the process of detachment, GAL, 180's, etc. If you are moving on to a D, it is the support to get you through to a better you for you and your children. Reading through your responses to posts, it just appears to me (I can only give you my humble opinion) that you are reading that the posts are preaching and/or trying to force their viewpoints upon you. I think you should look at it a little differently.

YOU came to the board and asked for input, advice, guidance and/or just an ear to listen. Everyone here has posted how they feel you should act within the confines of MWD's philosophies and the social norms that we live in recognizing that different countries and even different sections of countries do have some difference in social norms and acceptance.

Finally, again, I know you are struggling. Those of us here in our situations all are. We are lost at times, angry at times, and probably every other emotion out there comes through us almost daily. Everyone who comments on here has one goal, to help you become a better you. So that you are a better father to your son. Your son is 3 which I believe someone mentioned you will be in close contact from your stbxw for many years to come. YOU have to be the bigger person for your son. I'm not going to address each and every topic or advise on anything other than if you are truly ready to move on, protect your son. That doesn't mean being a doormat and accepting everything your stbxw does. It definitely shouldn't mean that your lawyer has to get involved in every detail. Not mentioned and an extreme example, but would you take her to court if you were against the consumption of dairy milk and only gave him almond milk and when he was at her home, she served in dairy milk? Of course not. An attorney's job is to solve conflict. Unfortunately, if they solve it too quickly, they don't get paid as much. The more conflict, the more and longer they get paid. With the cost of attorneys, I definitely do not want to have them involved in my life longer than absolutely necessary.

If you don't agree with someone's post on the board, simply thank them for their post and move on. Or don't mention it at all. They took the time to give you their thoughts. I believe they are only trying to help.

Just my humble opinion to a fellow person struggling to put their life back on track in some way as well. Best wishes OK!