I hope you didn't chew the inside of your mouth!!!
I was able to fill in more puzzle pieces by playing detective with him again today. I'm going to suspect the same motive for your H... I don't have any answers on how to reassure your H or mine. But I do know that being compassionate and verbally reassuring him that I will not play judge is what is absolutely vital.
Every sitch is different, though. Maybe you'll have another approach that will work better with yours? UGH.
Take care and talk to you tomorrow!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Betsey 
