OK here goes first post... pt 3

[sandi2]

Hi David, I just saw your request for me to look at your thread. I have a few questions. What are the ages of your children? What are the ages of you and W?

Before leaving, W seemed to think that I had been controlling and insecure. I hadn't been at all, I had just wanted us to make some time together because we'd only had 1 night out in 6 months.

What were her reasons for not making time together?

You said you were involved in art & culture. Did you have a steady source of income, and was it higher wages than your W's salary......or was your W the sole provider for the family? While I wait on your answer, I will give my opinion about something I see happening in many M's today. Take it FWIW. I believe it is the nature of most women to be attracted to a man who out ranks her (in some way) to some degree. I also believe there are some women who are attracted to a man who she would feel was her equal. However, there are few who are attracted to a man to which she feels is inferior to her. It is a woman's nature to find a mate that is capable of protecting & providing for her and her offspring. What does this have to do with a SAHD? It's all in how she sees him. Now, some MR's may make it when the traditional roles are reversed, but I think they are few and far between. When the man doesn't work and he becomes the homemaker and raises the children...….the natural dynamics change and the woman loses admiration and attraction for him.

When reading your story, I got the impression that during the time you took care of the home and raising the kids, you kind of let your personal looks slide a bit. Well, it happens to SAHM's, too. So, good job at losing weight, getting a great hair cut, and buying new clothes.

Although you've not seen evidence of an A, I suspect your W is wayward. The wayward W doesn't have to be in an affair in order to classify her as wayward. It's just that most WW's eventually do get involved in some type of an A. She became wayward in her spirit/heart first. I also read where it was really difficult for you to accept the length or depth she has gone. From what I can tell, most LBH's are shocked by the change in their WW. I was a WW, and I'll be the first to tell you not to put anything past her. In other words, she is capable of doing a lot of things you would you have never dreamed possible of the girl you M. So, do not trust her! I'm telling you that you cannot afford to trust anything she says or does. I get that you want your family back. But she's not that girl you M. The sooner you can accept it, the better you will fight for your own rights and those of your children. Forget trying to make things work with her. You must get your focus off her and on to your future. (((hugs))) Life goes on, and you can be happy. Please, please do not give up on yourself. Maybe you had faults, but let me tell you something that significantly separates the wayward W from the others. Her coldhearted, selfish, deceitful agenda that is all about her. Not her kids, not her parents, or even an affair partner...…..but her.

I get the feeling that W started going down a path she feels obliged to continue to follow due to the very active support of her parents. I had hoped there would be something I could say to help support her breaking away from it.

No, this is you trying to find some excuse for her actions. Nobody made her do anything she didn't want to do. She doesn't feel obligated to anyone. If she ever felt any obligation, it has fallen by the wayside. Listen to me, don't lie to yourself, David. Be true to yourself. I am so sorry you've experienced the bad side of people, but it doesn't have to claim your future happiness. As dark as it appears right now, life can be good again. You will start feeling better when you decide that your worth is not dependent on any relationship. You're hanging onto this M, b/c you see it defining who you are...…...but it doesn't. You've got to respect yourself! Nobody else will respect you, if you don't respect yourself. Learn to like yourself, and become your own best friend.