Advice on my Scenario Pt. 22

[OrangeK]

Again, i respectfuly disagree and will continue with what i feel is in the best interest of my son.
If you feel these infractions are not cause for Court intervention then I pity any children you may have raised.

Good Day Sir.

See now, this was uncalled for. You are constantly saying in these threads that we need to "agree to disagree", yet you respond with passive-aggressive comments (I pity your kids), and dismissive closings ("Good Day Sir." calling me "Bud" yesterday).

Given the sarcastic and insulting choices of words Don Chose, i think this response was appropriate.
No apologies forthcoming on that one Steve.

[OrangeK]

Steve, you can 2x4 while maintaining respect. Don lacks this ability. I dont respect those who dont respect me.

Respect is earned, not assumed then taken away.

[OrangeK]

Oh and lastly I dont want or need your pity, and nor does my one child.
I appreciate your attention and compassion, but please, spare the pity.

My son is not ignorant and disrespectful, so therefore i do not speak to him as i would people that are, you have no reason to pity my KID.
I dont abuse him, verbally or otherwise, unlike my darling wife. (Yes, <--- that was sarcasm)

[SteveLW]

Oh and lastly I dont want or need your pity, and nor does my one child.
I appreciate your attention and compassion, but please, spare the pity.

My son is not ignorant and disrespectful, so therefore i do not speak to him as i would people that are, you have no reason to pity my KID.
I dont abuse him, verbally or otherwise, unlike my darling wife. (Yes, <--- that was sarcasm)

Who was this too? I never said I pitied your son. I quoted you as saying you pitied DonH's kids.

Wow.

[OrangeK]

Ahhh. Perhaps you should have used the quote feature.

I read that as you saying you pitied my kids.

[DonH]

Wow, Okay, I'll give it one more try then I'm just going to let the chips fall where they will. One day you will wish you had listened to those old guys with their outdated thinking. See, I too was 30 once and thought I knew it all.

It's amazing how you even take things out of context to try to win your point. You are a right fighter. You are always right. you always know best. Others just don't understand the world and life like you do. I have to wonder, has your W made these criticisms of you? I will bet she has - and of course you just dismissed her and said she was wrong.

Additionally, i can say that i think your way of thinking is archaic, and you are a pushover.

This is a first! I've been called all sorts of things - abrasive, abusive, condescending, intimidating and many others. Never once in my life has anyone thought of me as a "pushover" or anything close. It would be like calling Trump a diplomat. It just proves you have no clue about many things - I'm no pushover.

"if you chose to fight her like this you are going to make a really, really difficult life for her"

Now this is simply a deliberate misquote to try to turn things completely different than what I said. It's right out of a fake news playbook. What I said was : "If you chose to fight her like this you are going to make a really, really difficult life for her, for you and for your child." That is far different. Yes, you may want to make life difficult for her but if you do, she is going to do it right back to you. Have you ever heard the phrase "Be nicer to your neighbors and you'll have nicer neighbors." You call CPS on her and then she will call CPS on your. You can spend your life doing this tit for tat but it's going to be a really, really sad, sorry life. Tell me, are you happy now? This must be beyond difficult to live this way. It must be exhausting to live like this every day. Or are you enjoying this? Every waking moment you are wound up dealing with your ExW. Is that any way to live? You just want to be right and fight her at every turn. She has hurt you and now you want to get back and hurt her! Think about this - you are trying to hurt the mother of your son! Like it or not, your son needs his mother just as much as he needs his father. It's your SON that is going to suffer the most damage - not your ex-wife.

If you think a stranger that has only know my son for Months, sharing a Bed is ok, then you have some very different views than I do.

You are again misquoting and making things up. I never said nor do I think that sharing a bed with someone he's known for months - I actually thought it was a year he's known him / once again changed to fit your narrative? - is okay. I do not think it's okay and I would not do it myself. I would not like it. But guess what, I don't make the rules for life - and neither do you. That's what I'm trying to get you to see. Just because you and I would not do it or don't like it does not make it correct. And it most certainly does not make it criminal.

If you feel these infractions are not cause for Court intervention then I pity any children you may have raised.

Wow! Again, you have zero clue. My son is a navy veteran with a wonderful 6 year old daughter and has been married for nearly 10 years to a wonderful woman. He's a year or two older than you yet look at his life. My daughter has her masters in business, works in healthcare, has two great kids and a wonderful husband of about 7 years now. She works with all sorts of local programs and charities. Both are happily married and thriving - despite my being involved in their upbringing. Again wow. But it does speak volumes to the work you need to do on yourself. You can only hope to aspire to the levels that they both have.

We are not here trying to bring you down. We are not Internet bullies trying to troll and fight from behind a keyboard in our parents basement. I've lived a whole bunch of life that you may just be able to benefit from. By no means should you exchange my judgement for your own. You have to decide what you want to do. But, tell me, if you are not looking for help and input, why in the hell are you here? We've live through all of this and have vast experience that you could benefit from - but if you don't want to, you most certainly do not have to. You came here, presumably for help and input - correct? If not, again, why are you here? We are only trying to help you not make some really bad mistakes - nothing else. Do with it what you will.

[OrangeK]

Wow, Okay, I'll give it one more try then I'm just going to let the chips fall where they will. One day you will wish you had listened to those old guys with their outdated thinking. See, I too was 30 once and thought I knew it all.

Apparently you still do Don.

I have to wonder, has your W made these criticisms of you? I will bet she has - and of course you just dismissed her and said she was wrong.

Not that you will believe me, but no, she never did.
If you'd like to meet someone who is "Always Right", go meet me STBXW.
Again, clearly you have not read my situation very much, as if you had, you wouldve known the answer to this and the level of manipulation and deception my EX is capable of.

This is a first! I've been called all sorts of things - abrasive, abusive, condescending, intimidating and many others. Never once in my life has anyone thought of me as a "pushover" or anything close. It would be like calling Trump a diplomat. It just proves you have no clue about many things - I'm no pushover.

"abrasive, abusive, condescending, intimidating"
This sounds on point.
But yes, i do believe you are a pushover, if you were to be so accepting of someone abusing a 3yo.

Now this is simply a deliberate misquote to try to turn things completely different than what I said. It's right out of a fake news playbook. What I said was : "If you chose to fight her like this you are going to make a really, really difficult life for her, for you and for your child." That is far different. Yes, you may want to make life difficult for her but if you do, she is going to do it right back to you. Have you ever heard the phrase "Be nicer to your neighbors and you'll have nicer neighbors." You call CPS on her and then she will call CPS on your. You can spend your life doing this tit for tat but it's going to be a really, really sad, sorry life. Tell me, are you happy now? This must be beyond difficult to live this way. It must be exhausting to live like this every day. Or are you enjoying this? Every waking moment you are wound up dealing with your ExW. Is that any way to live? You just want to be right and fight her at every turn. She has hurt you and now you want to get back and hurt her! Think about this - you are trying to hurt the mother of your son! Like it or not, your son needs his mother just as much as he needs his father. It's your SON that is going to suffer the most damage - not your ex-wife.

So i should keep my mouth shut and just accept and tolerate somone (even if it is his mother) abusing my son?
Sorry, but no. not happening.
Like i said, Pushover.

You are again misquoting and making things up. I never said nor do I think that sharing a bed with someone he's known for months - I actually thought it was a year he's known him / once again changed to fit your narrative? - is okay. I do not think it's okay and I would not do it myself. I would not like it. But guess what, I don't make the rules for life - and neither do you. That's what I'm trying to get you to see. Just because you and I would not do it or don't like it does not make it correct. And it most certainly does not make it criminal.

A year is 12 months. Its still able to be measured in Months. Are you trying to say theres no such thing as 90 seconds because a minuet is 60? semantic hogwash, you are just grasping at straws at this point.
Never claimed it was criminal. Further proof you dont read, you just react.
Hi Kettle! I'm the Crow, how nice of you to call me black!

Wow! Again, you have zero clue. My son is a navy veteran with a wonderful 6 year old daughter and has been married for nearly 10 years to a wonderful woman. He's a year or two older than you yet look at his life. My daughter has her masters in business, works in healthcare, has two great kids and a wonderful husband of about 7 years now. She works with all sorts of local programs and charities. Both are happily married and thriving - despite my being involved in their upbringing. Again wow. But it does speak volumes to the work you need to do on yourself. You can only hope to aspire to the levels that they both have.

And i am the manager of a 3.5 million dollar a year small business, and an accomplished firefighter? Whats your point? None of that is relevant at all. Does that mean every single thing my parents did is flawless and 100% correct? No. Perhaps if you climb off of your high horse you will be able to see the ground beneath the clouds.

We are not here trying to bring you down. We are not Internet bullies trying to troll and fight from behind a keyboard in our parents basement. I've lived a whole bunch of life that you may just be able to benefit from. By no means should you exchange my judgement for your own. You have to decide what you want to do. But, tell me, if you are not looking for help and input, why in the hell are you here? We've live through all of this and have vast experience that you could benefit from - but if you don't want to, you most certainly do not have to. You came here, presumably for help and input - correct? If not, again, why are you here? We are only trying to help you not make some really bad mistakes - nothing else. Do with it what you will.

Don, what you are IMHO is exactly that. A self righteous keyboard activist.
I dont think i can identify a single thing you said that was meant to be genuinely helpful.
I sense 0 compassion or empathy in your post, you are simply using me as a scapegoat to feel superior because I prescribe to different ideology and methodology than you do.
I am here for help and input, from people who provide valid help and input.
as opposed to your assumptions that "I know it all", or you blindly telling me what to do, because clearly you "Know it all"
Age doesn't dictate intellect or wisdom Don. So please stop flying your AARP card around like its some sort of flag of victory, experiences and how thay are handled are what build character. Not simply years adding up.
Ive met 20 year olds wiser than 60 year olds, and high school drop outs far smarter than PHD holders.
Its all relative Don.

Good. Day. Sir.

[OrangeK]

Lastly to clarify. - Copied from State Resource on Abuse.

"So what is child abuse?
Physical Hitting, shaking, kicking, pinching, slapping, throwing, hair pulling, and burning the child with scalding water or other hot objects. Spanking or paddling isn't considered abuse as long as it is reasonable and does not cause any injury to the child.

Sexual Any sexual contact between an adult and a child is sexual abuse. It includes intercourse of any kind, inappropriate touching, exposing children to adult sexuality by showing pornographic images, and performing sex acts in front of the child.

Emotional Name-calling, threats, constant criticism, withholding love, and any other behaviors that damage the child's self-esteem or emotional health.

Neglect Failing to meet the basic needs of a child, including food, clothes, shelter, hygiene, necessary medical and mental care, and education. In many states, leaving a child home alone beyond a specific period of time or in a situation in which he could be or is harmed is considered a form of neglect."

[lcause]

No I don't. Ignorant means uninformed. As a former child myself, and as someone that raised a child, I can honestly say that what lcause said was short-sighted. And he stated that opinion as if it was an universal fact. And that anyone that disagreed with it had a third world mentality and was VIOLENT and ABUSIVE to their kids. THAT is ignorant.

OK please understand, this is a bigger discussion than whether or not you STBXW abused your S. That is between you, her and him. I am merely stating that in general corporal punishment IS not abuse. And there are times and circumstances that call for it.

Physical punishment of children: lessons from 20 years of research

"The evidence is clear and compelling — physical punishment of children and youth plays no useful role in their upbringing and poses only risks to their development. The conclusion is equally compelling — parents should be strongly encouraged to develop alternative and positive approaches to discipline."

Spanking and Child Development: We Know Enough Now To Stop Hitting Our Children

"We now have enough research to conclude that spanking is ineffective at best and harmful to children at worst. We also know that a range of professional and human rights organizations condemn the practice and urge parents to use alternative forms of discipline. We thus have research-based and human rights-based reasons for not spanking our children."

Spanking and child outcomes: Old controversies and new meta-analyses.

"Thirteen of 17 mean effect sizes were significantly different from zero and all indicated a link between spanking and increased risk for detrimental child outcomes."

and yadayada...

I trust in science and evidence, research. I do not base my parenting in a proverb from a fairytale. So spank your children as much as you want to, but stop suggesting it for others. Be ignorant as much as you want to. In my country it is illegal and rightly so.

Now, I don't know whether in this case it was as bad as it sounds as we are obviously hearing only one part of the equation. 3-year-old isn't necessarily able to accurately represent the situation and it could have been far less. I wouldn't act on it other than maybe ask or tell her that it isn't something one would expect. Of course if this happens more often and if it goes into anything more serious, then it is a different question.

[SteveLW]

I trust in science and evidence, research. I do not base my parenting in a proverb from a fairytale. So spank your children as much as you want to, but stop suggesting it for others. Be ignorant as much as you want to. In my country it is illegal and rightly so.

Yep, this is what is wrong with society. Thousands of years of parental history....but a study comes out and all that history is thrown out the window.

And I am sure your country is problem free too.