Hope, Faith & Wonder-ment

[holdingon]

You know, I think one of the best things DB has helped me do is realize that in this sitch, even though I had changes I did need to make, he isn't running from me... but something else. Not that anyone would get that from my convoluted posts these days. But that is clear as day to me by now.

Yes, clear as day to me, too. And I don't really notice anything that makes him run faster than any other thing. I have people tell me that I do too much, that I am too strong, yada, yada, yada... but from all the thinking I have done over the past year... H MADE me strong. I would have been perfectly happy to be able to count on him to rescue me, but he was always too busy with his job. It always came first... so, ANYTHING that had to be done rested on me... not that I am not grateful for being so strong, cause it is one of the few things that has helped keep me sane. In other words, it doesn't matter. H is on his journey... his alone. And he sures seems angry most of the time, now. But, hey, who knows why that is the case, either.

I had a thought the other day that life is easier when I pretend he is NOT on the planet...easier, but is it the right thing to do??? Hmmmmmmmm.........

For now, yes, I think it is the right thing to do... and keep living OUR lives, looking to OUR future, not depending on H for anything, including our happiness.