Advice on my Scenario Pt. 22

[DonH]

I too don't want to take this discussion too far afield, but it really fascinates me how the millennial generation differs soooo much from the rest of the world - just amazing. And even when we are seeing how it is becoming a detriment to them, it's still all they know. Thing is, it's more my generation that created all of this in our kids!!!

Anyhow... Orange, I'm not sure I've posted to you all that much but dude, I really hope you hear me here. You have yourself so rammed up and whipped up into a frenzy here that you are creating things. Let's say for sake of argument that your ExW really did pull son 3s hair for five seconds at enough pain that it hurt him. Do you really thing that is ABUSE? Do you really think that this rises to the level of calling the police or CPS? No, it's not what you would do. I get that and will respect it. It's not your choice. Thing is, who says you are right? Abuse is or at least used to be pulling a child by his hair from one room to another. Putting the child in hot water that it causes burns. Giving the child drugs to put him or her to sleep, burning the child with cigarettes. That's what CPS was originally instituted for - not the same stuff that was done to me, my father and his father before him - and we all turned out just fine.

You don't have to like it. You don't have to agree with it, but I'm telling you, if you chose to fight her like this you are going to make a really, really difficult life for her, for you and for your child. You do not want to go down this road. You have to chose your battles. You have to deal with her for no less than 15 more years. Realistically it's going to be for a lifetime but on a large, weekly if not daily level, for 15 more years. You call CPS on her. I guarantee you they will find this case unfounded and THEY will close it. Your ExW on the other hand will take it as a declaration of war! Then something is going to happen and she's going to do the same on you. It's never going to end. Do you really want to take that chance?

I know you deny it but we can see it plain as day - you are really pissed. You are hurt. You are angry so you are taking things that, yeah, have some level of merit, and trying to make them a huge, huge deal and if that can't get her, then you'll call authorities who will go get her. The problem is, when you let these broken systems, often with people who are really marginal in their abilities start making decisions for you and your family, you are playing with fire. You are really gambling here. Never let a government third party make LIFE DECISIONS FOR YOUR FAMILY!!!

You don't have to like or agree with what she is doing but she is not abusing your child. She simply is not - not with a little pulling of his hair. So you'll fix her - you'll cut his hair so she can't do that again. My Lord, you sound like a teenager! Please, take a few hundred deep breaths here and try to step back. Heck, by your own admission you are saying that your "discipline" - as if a time out for a three year old means anything to them or having an "intellectual discussion" about appropriate behavior - is going to do anything in the first place... you yourself say it is not working.

One of the best things I learned from DR and DB is my way is not always the right way. You have it in your 30 year old head that you know it all. Your way is the right way and anyone who does not agree with you is simply wrong. Not even close! Your way may be the correct way FOR YOU. That does not mean it's the correct way for EVERYONE ELSE!!! You may not agree with co-sleeping or spanking. Well guess what, you might not be right about that. Of course you might. But it's totally up for debate. Leaving marks on your son has no debate and is something you call CPS for - sleeping in a bed with two adults or puling his hair for a few seconds????? And wanna bet he doesn't pull anyone's hair again????????????

I know that was a whopping 2X4 but I really think you are in huge need. Don't ramp up this situation with your ExW - you will regret it - I guarantee it!