I just want to say that even though I don't have much good advice for you, that your story has really been amazing. You have been very strong and I can't imagine what you're going through.
I prolly would have wussed out and hugged her. I am not a great DB'er and am just too sensitive or desperate. Hell I don't think I can read your thread without thinking about my sitch which is so weird. I feel for you.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
I appreciate the support, and hope that my sitch and story can be of some service to others on here. I have learned so much from reading about others. There is no fairy-tale happy ending to it, but I hope with hard work and diligence I can manage to come out stronger.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Davide, This is a good post for many to read. I see your a pretty strong person. To meet at the park and have a decent conversation is my dream right now. Im sure you've had some days like me that just drag on forever. Thanks again for replying to my thread yesterday.
Does it make you feel a little better that she has the "obvious guilt" and that she cries a little when you talk to her?
My WW just looks depressed and not happy. I'm just wondering. I think the GAL attitude when she sees me might...I said might....be paying off a little. I'm not sure though.
ME 47 W 38 M17 T20 Separated 5/20/18 D-bomb 7/9/2018 Nothing Filed 4 kids ages 6, 10, 14, 15
Remember the GAL is for YOU not for her. That is an important distinction that I struggled with early on as well. You need to work on yourself for you, not to elicit a reaction for her.
It doesn't make me feel better that she feels guilty and cries. That is her emotional response to her actions. I can certainly understand why she feels that way, but that is her emotional burden to carry not mine. I also recognize my own role in allowing the MR to deteriorate so I don't shove blame on to her.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Last night was tough as I had trouble falling asleep. By the time I finally got asleep it was clear that waking up for 6 a.m. yoga was out of the question if I wanted to be functional at all. Unfortunately, with my medical procedure and the anxiety before and after the meeting with W I haven't been to a single yoga class in 4 days. What worries me is that I am falling into old (bad) habits - watching Netflix and spending time on the internet. These behaviors are distractions, which are helpful in small doses, but I know that I have a tendency to not deal with emotions or disturbing thoughts by over-relying on them. I don't want to let that happen. I am going out on a group bike ride tonight which should be good. I really need to get a good night's sleep as well. Hopefully the exercise and socialization will help with that. I also found a meetup group to practice my Italian with on Sunday, so that is another thing.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
D - I think you handled the meeting well with your W and I am glad you did not accept a hug from her. Since the dog is very important to you both I like the fact you suggested a structured visitation schedule.
Lastly I would not believe anything she said in relation to the other man. Your W sounds similar to mine and was very nice to me, downplayed her reasons for moving out, and was never over the top disrespectful to me. Looking back my W was online, dating and meeting other guys the moment she moved out of the house. I confronted her 1 time about a guy I found out about and she denied the whole thing and downplayed whatever was going on. I would never bring up OM, her happiness or anything else related to her well being or her feelings ever again.
Since you are separated your job is to detach, detach, detach, and do not worry about anything she is doing or be lulled to sleep by her being nice.
Thanks Joseph. I appreciate the support. I am, not without reason, feeling particularly vulnerable today and I appreciate hearing the encouragement.
In terms of the other guy - who knows, and it really doesn't matter. I think there was probably some sort of EA going on for a while as they have been friends for a while, but I don't think more speculation is anything other than another cheeseless tunnel. I have no intention of talking with her about him, or her feelings again.
Yeah, I am working on getting on with my life. I ordered a new bed for the spare bedroom, a new couch cover, and am going to get some prints to put up on the walls. I want to redecorate the house at least a little. I'll also put up pictures from my trip. However, I will also start the process of looking for new jobs in other cities for the following school year since I have nothing tying me to the city I currently live in. So I don't want to invest a ton of money in the house if, as is likely, we end up selling it. GAL is a little more complicated now because the cycling community has been such a big part of it for me and the OM is very much embedded in that community. I am not sure how I will handle that. I certainly don't want to see him, or the two of them together, but I also don't want to cut myself off from the community. It might be tricky. Tonight I am going out for a group ride since I am relatively confident neither of them will be there, but any weekend plans with that community run the risk of encountering them. I am definitely trying to expand my social scene, and that will be a big priority as I get back into the rhythm of normal life here.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
You handled the meeting with WAW like a pro Davide, your posts reflect show much more detachment than just a month ago. It is natural to have feel vulnerable once you got back home, let them just pass. I think it is okay to cut yourself from the biking community where OM may be there, others may say he needs to be ashamed not you so be strong but I think there is no need to invite unnecessary pain. Especially with no kids involved unless absolutely necessary keep the interactions non existent. I dont know if you addressed this, but based on your signature the plan was for you to move out at this time, is that still happening?
D - I can understand the pain of not wanting to see them together. I would not have been able to handle it early on in my sitch either. I would just suggest that you don't put yourself in a position your not comfortable with until you can emotionally handle it. Everyone is different but I think I would be ok seeing it now and for me its been about 1.5 years.
Sorry I misread your housing scenario, you just moved back in, hence the redecorating. Great idea, make it your own will help you erase unwanted memories by association
