Nicole and Jim, thank you. Yes it is the worst possible pain, labor was easy compared to this. Nicole, I am not legally required to do anything. He has hardly bonded with the baby so I want to make sure she gets the attention from her father. He would prefer to only take D3 maybe but I stand firm that I will NOT separate my daughters. Its hell for me to stay away, easier if I kept baby with me but the 2 sisters are the only stability they have right now. I neither want D3 to feel I am giving her away for sometime while I hold on to the baby nor do I want the baby to feel only D3 gets time with her father. I am not doing any of this based on what he feels, his rights or give a rat's @$$ about anything to do with him (sorry I am one angry person as a single parent). WH and I are adults and we should manage pain, my only look out is for my kids and I decided it is best for them to not separate at all, each other will bring consistency to their otherwise nomadic life.
Sorry my friends, I have not been able to post much on any of your threads, I will find time to do soon, please know you are in my prayers.
I have been a single parent for past few days, working a full time job and managing solo, its been physically and emotionally exhausting, the kids wake me up multiple times at night. It is hard to go back to sleep because my mind is in turmoil and ugly unwanted thoughts invade my sleep but I am fighting hard. My IQ is probably less than half of what it was 6 months ago, I couldnt figure out a simple computer code yesterday, god knows how much of intellectual abilities I will lose by the end of this. But I am holding up and I am doing fine. Fine is a great place to be for now, I will be great, not just fine, I hope in a few months. WH asked to spend few hours with kids today evening , I agreed since this is the first week and D3 has been really missing him and crying for him. If he does this every week I will reassess. I have not initiated any contact, just responded back to texts about kids and their arrangements. The only time I called was to speak to the children when he had them. I actually can do this NC thing very easily. I have booked a new IC from next week, the old one was not useful. I am still struggling but with WH gone and nobody spewing at me, its much easier. I want to say a million things to him, how wrong he is, what an impostor he is and how cruel this is all but I have kept quiet for all this time and I will continue doing so. LRT is the only technique I can employ at this time and I am using it. I cry multiple times in a day, get angry, worry, get scared thinking about the future, regret what could have been, then I just get up and do what needs to be done today. My children only get the best of me though, I am as loving and patient I can be with them. We read over 8 books yesterday and laughed so much. My pain and hurt is only for me, they will not get to see any of it.
