We are now going to be entering our fourth year with no direction either way. The truth is I will never be ready to give up. My marriage is worth saving. I never thought of either of us being the victim. Your quote has so much merit. She is pig headed. Strong willed. I have become much stronger. I know I do not need her in my life. I used to think I needed her. I want her in my life. I know with the boys she will always be apart of my life. That is not enough. Sometimes I think she needs to read the divorce remedy. She has the misconception the boys will not be overly affected by the demise of our marriage.
We both have been dishonest, did not communicate We recognize that. Those mistakes are true lessons we can build on
Don't count the days, make the days count. Mohammad Ali
We are now going to be entering our fourth year with no direction either way. The truth is I will never be ready to give up. My marriage is worth saving. I never thought of either of us being the victim. Your quote has so much merit. She is pig headed. Strong willed. I have become much stronger. I know I do not need her in my life. I used to think I needed her. I want her in my life. I know with the boys she will always be apart of my life. That is not enough. Sometimes I think she needs to read the divorce remedy. She has the misconception the boys will not be overly affected by the demise of our marriage.
We both have been dishonest, did not communicate We recognize that. Those mistakes are true lessons we can build on
Don't count the days, make the days count. Mohammad Ali
We are now going to be entering our fourth year with no direction either way. The truth is I will never be ready to give up. My marriage is worth saving.
your wife will file for divorce when she is ready... meaning: when she meets someone else who wants a full commitment from her... or when she is ready to branch out on her own... meaning: when the kids are on their own... if you want to save your marriage, you have to completely let it go... you have wasted four years in limbo... yes--wasted...
if it's not already too late, because gosh--it's been four years--you might be able to save your marriage if you are able to walk away from it... let it go... she has absolutely no respect for you... why should she? you have allowed limbo for four years! you cook, do family dinners, watch television together just like many intact families (no wonder she has not served you papers) except you are not really an intact family... you are a broken family pretending to be put together... if you must, go ahead and ask her if she is willing to reconcile... at this point, why not? and when she does not offer you a full commitment, DETACH and GAL to the hilt!
don't fall for anything less than a full commitment to reconcile... no vague answers... no answers that play on words to make it sound like she wants to work on the marriage... she is either in or OUT... get that respect back!
I play summer hockey once a week, I am in a dart league once a week at a local pub. Wake up twice a week and go/ to the gym before work. I lack a social/ life however. My best friend had me at his cottage a few weeks back for a week. I went alone. My boys work and there was no way I was going to ask the W to join me even though I wish she was there. My best friend knows my marriage is in trouble but that's it. I will not discuss in detail with him
Don't count the days, make the days count. Mohammad Ali
I read through my whole thread last night. Started to read DR book last night. I have lost focus. This morning I made an appointment to visit a divorce mediation firm for a free consultation..
I have been a door mat. Have been walked over, It stops. I have no idea what she is waiting for but I am fed up and decided to force her hand. I will have the R discussion with a focus on working together to stay married. I expect a negative response. At this point I will provide her with the information I receive from the mediation firm.
In Ontario I cannot serve divorce papers without going through a true separation. This is my last resort. If the information I share with her about my consultation is enough to have her agree to try to work things out. Great If not, I have done a 180 and have taken the initiative to commence the next step and I am not sitting idly by to let her dictate what happens next
Don't count the days, make the days count. Mohammad Ali
I realised the bomb was dropped only three years ago this coming September not four. I guess it has been so long It feels like four years. I have one call left to my DB coach I will discuss with him my situation and get his feed back
Don't count the days, make the days count. Mohammad Ali
I am reading the DR book once again. I know my W is discussing our sitch with a friend and possibly an OM. Of course the OM has is eyes set on her cant wait for her to leave me. I am plan B. I have not mentioned a thing about my suspecting her relationship with OM is more than friendship for over a year. She does not know that I get full descriptions of her outgoing calls on our Phone bill. I see the amount of calls and the length of calls. I keep this information to myself. Again, I know I cannot demand she end it If there is a faint hope that she wants to try to rebuild the marriage I will then say we can only rebuild if all contact with OM is terminated. If she is willing to do that we have a chance If not, I will ask her to leave.
Don't count the days, make the days count. Mohammad Ali
I have been doing so much thinking about my sitch. I have waited for the W to initiate the conversation. I realised that all M discussions of the past were initiated out of anger. I am in a better place now and things are cordial. There is still tension in the house. I continuously ask her how her day has been but never go beyond that unless she wants divulge more information on her own I keep my answers short when she reciprocates. Our last discussion was back in September of 2017. All she asked was if I want to proceed through litigation or mediation. This was a no brainer, and I replied Mediation. After that answer, the discussion stopped. Nothing has been said since. Looking back I do not know if she was trying to get a more in depth response from me. Did I do the unexpected? I believe so. I think she was expecting me to grovel and beg so she could start on the offensive again. That was a 180 for me.
A couple months ago I think she was trying to get a reaction out of me. One day when I returned home there was a registered letter addressed to both of us. It was from a real estate agent thank us for our inquiry into using him to help sell our house. I do not think she expected the package. I opened it and looked at all the material and left it on the counter for her to see it. I never acknowledge the information with her. Again she was trying to bait me into a heated discussion.
She cannot start the discussion. I have decided I need to start it and living in Limbo is unacceptable.below is what I plan to say. I would appreciate any opinions on my approach. Please let me know what you think.
It has been too long since we have discussed our relationship. All previous discussions have been initiated out of anger. I am in a better place now.
Our present situation is unacceptable. We cannot continue living this way. We are together but apart. Whatever the future has in store, our lives will always be intertwined due to the boys. Our children will experience many milestones that will make us both proud. Graduations, marriages, birth of grandchildren plus many other events that will happen in their lives. Because of these milestones we can never be truly apart.
The decisions that we make going forward will truly have an affect on the lives of our children. The examples we set could affect how the boys view relationships going forward. We both have too much love for the boys and care for them so much. I do not want to put the boys through a failed marriage. Our love for them is so great. We want the best for the boys and we owe it to them to do our best to keep our marriage intact.
We are approaching three years since you dropped the bomb on me. Our marriage is broken but it can be fixed. Lack of communication and discussion played a vital role that led to where we are now. I believe there is still hope for us.
We know why the marriage is broken. We also know what needs to be done to repair the damage. Quoting my brother from his speech at our niece’s wedding: The Three C’s are the foundation to what will keep a marriage together.” “Communication, commitment and compromise.” Some time during our marriage we omitted all three. . I do not believe separating is the solution. An attempt should be made to work things out. A true and honest effort needs to be put forth. It will take time. It will not be an overnight success. Put our hearts and minds into working things out. A full 100% commitment and effort should be attempted to rebuild our relationship from the ground up.
After we put in a determined effort, tried our best to work things out together, and should you decide we cannot work things out, at least we can say we did all we could to save this marriage. Then we can honestly tell the boys we tried everything to stay married. We have lived much too long like this and nothing has been done to improve things. That ends now. It will be a journey. There may be bumps and roadblocks ahead but together we can over come any obstacles. Compromise, commitment and most importantly, communication can only lead us on the path to reconciliation.
Let's start dating again. Do things together.
I am taking this first step. Will you take this step with me?
Don't count the days, make the days count. Mohammad Ali
