You are right. Once a kid is informed it does change the situation. I can see why you are frustrated. Ask yourself why that is? Are you peeved she didn'ttespect your request or is there a deeper issue.It is important to know that.
In this case, if it suits you,i would contact directly the other mums and give your go aheadsnd offer to collect all three the next day for the second sleepover. Maybe you could give your email and ask to be contacted too for future eventsaas you organise her planning when with you. Don't expect others to remember/know your schedule.
As for W, tell her that informing D before you creates expectations in D that may not be realisable due to other plans. Ask her to respect your request for everyone's sake.
Never EVER tell w you kind of had plans." Kind of" comes across as you are willing to change plans to accommodate her. Small 2x4 but small things can make big differences
Best wishes
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
