Mrs JLS journey to saving the marriage

[MrsJLS]

Vanilla- thank you for clarifying this, that was a great help as I was really struggling with my goals and MWD book was a bit confusing.

So we are back in London and H is back in his negative state, keeps talking that he wants to D, saying how depressed he is, saying how hurt he is and how destructive I have been during the last year (by crying, blaming him for not giving me children and not being intimate). I validated, listened and continued saying that I want to work on M. Did it make me look like I am pursuing? He is going away tomorrow... I feel that he sees me as this terrible monster who has trapped him into the situation he never wanted to be in, who has hurt him, who has blamed him and made him feel guilty... it makes me feel terrible. I keep putting myself in shoes and trying to see what he sees and I am genuiely very sorry for all the crying I have done as I was so hurt as well and in million years I didn't want to hurt him and I didn't know that I did that. Now I know. I have told him that this morning- and he said: I had enough and it is too late, the damage is done. I feel the only thing he thinks now that the light at the end of the tunnel starts with D.

Oh well... and I thought I was doing quite well. I am feeling very sad now. He might well file after he comes back from his boys holiday... so here I am - a young blonde 34 yo trying to tell her 61 yo husband she wants to save their almost year 1.5 marriage. At one point during our conversation this morning I asked myself- have I really downgraded myself to such a low point...

DavidUK- he might well use his lack of affection as a form of controlling... but from all these threads I realise that right now all I am doing is focusing on him. I must rewrite my goals and focus on myself. Just like you have done by losing the weight and putting the focus on yourself. It is amazing that you ar considering children with someone else other than your W.