Hi Everyone, I'll respond to your responses and then I want to write about something that's not related to my husband and I'd appreciate your feedback so stay tuned.
KML, I really like what you wrote. I truly believe that's the right thing to do. I kind of did it last weekend. I normally dress conservatively but I wore a really short dress and left for five hours and my husband didn't know where I was going. I'll try to flowers and lingerie and will let you know what happens. Your story about what you did with your ex is great by the way! I love your thinking.
Arsh, this is one area where I actually have some perspective. Coming back doesn't equal reconciling. I think my husband would come back if I were dating someone else but that doesn't mean the marriage would be fixed. He could very well leave again when he's bored if he doesn't come back for the right reasons. And I wouldn't let him come back like that, especially because if I ever truly was dating someone that would mean it would be really serious because I doubt casual dating will ever be for me.
KitKat, I'm so sorry to hear your ex said something like that about your son. My husband didn't mean what he said literally. What he meant was "I found this sexy 26 year old nurse and I'm taking her to Dubai next week but I can't enjoy myself as much as I wish because I have to divorce you and this beautiful child is a big barrier to my freedom." I've come to believe the relationship with that nurse didn't work out so my husband has been thinking more rationally in recent months. He calls our daughter every day now and while he's probably a fraction of what a real father should be, he's made the effort to talk to her every day so I don't think he meant what he said. It's still terrible though.
Steve, yes it's inexcusable that he said or thought anything bad about our daughter, especially when it was due to him dating some other woman who appeared to be not a high-quality woman based on the over abundance of bikini-on-the-beach-holding-a-beer-acting-drunk and bar photos on her social media. It's hard to imagine how doing that day-after-day-after-day is an interesting lifestyle. So I doubt she was a woman who was worth wishing his daughter hadn't been born. If we ever got to the point of reconciling counseling would have to play a big role in the process. Namely my husband needs to get his ADHD treated and find out if he has bi-polar. For MC we'd need someone who really has experience with the reconciliation process because I don't think all MC's do.
My husband left on Monday. He was really stressed when he came on Monday and left kind of in-a-rush but just as he closed the door to leave my daughter said "Mom are you happy?" I asked why. She said "because daddy is taking us both to a hotel." He never mentioned that to me, but apparently he told her that afternoon he's planning to take us to a hotel sometime in the near future. We'll see if that invitation ever comes to fruition.
So now I'd like to write about something else. I've mentioned here that I don't have much experience with men or dating. Just one long-term long-distance boyfriend for eight years before I met my husband and that's it. And a male best-friend who has shared a lot of insights over the years. Now being semi-single I really have no idea how to distinguish between friendly and interested on a slightly deeper level. For example before I left my old state my gastroenterologist came running after me in the parking lot shouting my name and it really scared me. He caught up to me and said he just wanted to show me a picture of his daughters. Was that just friendly? I have no idea but it was odd.
Last Friday I was on a conference call for work. My firm is partnering with a firm based in the UK on a project. One of the guys on the call mentioned he's from my favorite country in Europe. After the call I sent the guy an e-mail saying I was happy to hear he's from that country and I mentioned the time I've spent there over the past 20 years and how it's always a good opportunity to meet people from that country (a small country). He responded asking me more about my time in his country and I could see that he checked my LinkedIn profile but then he didn't respond to my e-mail again. We've been in touch about work though. This evening I saw a missed call from a UK country code. Then I got a text message from this guy saying he's going to bed soon but he wanted to talk about something we were co-writing. He called me and we talked about it and he asked for my Skype ID so he could show me something from his screen. Then my daughter started crying and interrupting. Towards the end I told him not to stay up any later working on this thing, that it wasn't that urgent. He said, "no you have your daughter and I'm single sitting here in a hotel." He was asked about my daughter and tried to say hi to her. Then he said he's flying back to the UK tomorrow and he can talk right when he lands or any time tomorrow night. After the call I wrote him something in his native language and he responded in his native language. I tried to look him up on line a few days ago to see his picture and it was there on his linkedin. I wanted to view it again tonight and it's gone. Anyway, I felt like this guy was looking for a reason to call me but was he? I have no sense when it comes to these things. It seems he'll call again tomorrow and it's kind of my dream to meet a single guy from that country but I don't want to get carried away. I'm not planning to date him or pursue a relationship but I guess in a fantasy-sense it's nice to imagine someone from that country would consider me at this stage in life. I'd appreciate any input. Thanks!
