WW- Equalzr's saga pt 2. WW's & MLC'er advice plz

[equalzr]

Thanks Lane.

Im trying to hold it together, but im devastated even though ive known it was coming for a long time. She just went so far that i dont think she believed there was any coming back. She even made the comments a few months back that "she didnt deserve forgiveness" when speaking of God.

I couldnt help myself but to question her today when i found out. She held firm in not wanting a divorce for a long time, then wavering the last few months, and then this, so i wanted to know what made the decision for her. She told me that there had been no changes. I know not to listen to anything she says at this point, but man to think of all the changes ive made since this began, and addressing all of her issues with me, all of them. W refuses to say A ever had anything to do with it. Ive been taking a step back since finding DB, but it seems no matter what i did, there was no changing the course she was on. Being p****d and standoffish initially didnt help us, trying to change and please her made things better on the surface but didnt change things, and so far DB'ing has made things seem like im acting funny towards her even though i try to keep it pleasant around her i think she took it as a personal slight rather than me taking care of myself and bettering myself.

Now that i think back about it, i really think once i found out the details of the A and confirmed everything, that was the beginning of her changing her stance on this. I dont know if she felt she could drag it out until our S finishes school, or if she thought she had me as a plan b as long as i didnt know the details or couldnt prove anything. I do know that once i found out how deep the A was, she pretty much changed immediately.

Thanks for the prayer ill need them. You see this train coming from a long way away but it still catches you by surprise when its in your face. Ill do my best to GAL here in the next few days and beyond.