Eryam, I'm so sorry to hear all this. There's so much to sort through, so many emotions, so many dynamics, and it sounds so complicated between kids and finances and career. That doesn't seem fair that your husband is divorcing you and yet he wants to spy on you. My thinking is still that maybe he wasn't planning to divorce you but he filed when he found out you were talking to other men. You could do a 180 and start staying home at night and just tending to things in the house, but based on what I briefly read it seems you and your husband have been unhappy for many years. It doesn't sound as though any one single action could turn things around at this point. I'm not sure if things have gone up and down because obviously you stayed together and had three kids but it seems you and your husband have had trouble connecting emotionally and perhaps also haven't put the other first in the relationship. Your husband may be kind of abusive and has his own issues that affect you so deeply. It's hard to know his side of the story or what he could be thinking. I remember you saying though that he controls the finances and that doesn't sound like an ideal partnership. I guess the big question is whether you and your husband have had enough good times together to believe you can be happy together again? If you're making each other miserable and both leaning on friends of the opposite sex for support when you're still married in the same house then that may be pushing you both further apart. I don't know. If I were you I'd probably try to relax as much as possible to think rationally, and then think seriously if trying to reconcile is the best thing for you and your family. If you still want to save the marriage then perhaps reducing the drama associated with these nights out would be one good step. It doesn't sound like it's worth all that fighting and suspicion to go sit at a bar....perhaps just for a while you could try staying home every night and just let your husband see that you're not trying to meet other men and see if he calms down. He sounds pretty confused and so do you. It's a fragile situation. I really know what it's like to cry for hours and to just feel so broken. It's the worst feeling in the world, especially when life is so complicated and stressful with little kids and work. I hope you can get some rest and give yourself a chance to sit and think quietly as well as give your kids lots of love. The love they show in return is honestly better, more unconditional, and more beautiful than anything else in this world.
