I must say, and don't take this harshly, but you always seem to mention how you want to tell her "if she wants to spend time" or wonder about the "spending time". Please understand that by thinking this way, it comes across that you are waiting for her to want to hang out with you, get a drink, or whatever. We have all tried to tell you to not worry about that. But you seem stuck on it. I think it's bc you wonder how can you get back together if you aren't spending time together.
Your wife is living in a separate house, 30 min away from you. I know tonight you mentioned that she is nervous, but just last week I believe you were saying she seems content. You have also mentioned no intimacy for over a year. You two tend to have verbal communication and contact weekly. Side note - no intimacy is just crazy to me. Crazy!!!! To me, your wife is comfortable in this situation. Don't take this wrong, but you have allowed it. You continue to give in. I think you think that you need to tell her that you won't be with her unless she is committed to the marriage. But she won't believe it. You know why? Because I don't believe it. If I don't, she won't. Why don't we believe it, because all she has to do is say she wants a hug and you give it. She says you seem detached - and you want to spill your guts. A little added side note - it would drive her nuts if you responded "just been busy" to her you seem detached comments. Less is more in this situation. When she makes comments of that nature, don't go into detail. You explaining anything could possibly give her validation for being gone.
Don't take my words harsh - I still feel like you have a shot here. This woman temp checks you weekly. And when you give her what she wants, she feels ok again.
Db'ing can feel overwhelming at times. But it gets better. Get confident no matter what. It makes you more attractive.
