Re: Moving past the WAW to a stronger me Pt. 3

[Davide]

So, I just met with WAW and we talked in person for half an hour in the park (so I could bring the dog) for the first time in 2 months. I didn't sleep well last night, but rode 28 miles on the bike and went to the climbing gym for nearly 2 hours. I also had a first session with a new IC. I had a glass of wine with dinner and did a little light meditation beforehand. I was in a calm, peaceful frame of mind, ready to accept whatever came.

We talked about the dog a bit, since she escaped from the yard yet again today. I let WAW know that I would prefer to have a somewhat set schedule of when she is going to visit the dog rather than texting or emailing me to ask each time. So, we'll set that up. She also paid me back for some of the house bills that she ran up while I was away, which was good because I was going to ask her to anyway. She mentioned coming by to do yard work and I told her that wouldn't be necessary since she isn't living here anymore.

She was tearful throughout. She asked me how I was doing and I was vague but positive, truthfully telling her that I was in a much better space than a year ago and more centered, but I didn't go on much or into details. She told me that she still felt horribly guilty for letting me down when I needed her. I validated as much as I could. She said that she was happy with being on her own. She also let me know that she was seeing someone casually, a common friend of ours, that she had been seeing him for a couple of weeks but that she was not ready for anything serious. I told her that I hoped it made her happy, perhaps that was a mistake, but I don't see it as a an A since in my mind the R has been over for a while now. Of course, it was probably an EA long before it progressed to this.

She reiterated that she loved me "in her way." And she told me that she hoped we could be friends, maybe not now, but in the future. When I replied that we'll just have to see where life leads us, it provoked more tears in her. I asked her if there was anything else she wanted or needed to tell me, and then got up to leave. She asked if she could give me a hug, and I told her that I preferred not, and I left. I didn't do that quickly or coldly, but assertively. For the most part I think that I handled it about as well as could be expected, especially emotionally.

Honestly, I don't really feel crushed because I knew the R was over at this point anyway. The guy she is seeing is sort of irrelevant, he is almost a form of GAL for her. I get why she doesn't want anything serious because her previous relationship (me) had become such an emotional leech. The only downside is that I want to avoid interactions with this guy, who is heavily involved in the cycling community.

I think my days of standing are over at this point. I have no intention of avowing to leave the forum and never come back, because the support I have received on here has been invaluable. I still need help to become the stronger person I want to become. However, I have no reason to doubt the sincerity of my WAW's intentions or pronouncements. She has been steadfast in word and deed since BD that the R is over, despite her obvious guilt. Her actions have been consistent as well. I don't see much point in wasting valuable days, months, or years of my life clinging onto a ship that has already sailed. There are no children to complicate the situation, so making a clean break should be easier.

Thanks again for all the support.