Has it gone too far?

[Fogg]

Ok, what are your boundaries and what will you do if someone breaks them? You need to clearly define them and be prepared to enforce them.. W sleeping with another man does not mean you can stop her from seeing the kids, you can never enforce that. Now "I will not continue to live in a house where W sleeps with other men" is still a tough one because you still cant verify what shes doing, but it's closer to.

I get the frustration, these were always hard for me to do also as I'm not very confrontational. I do remember what didn't work and making the boundaries about controlling her won't work. It's all about you. There are old posts, Wonkas threads maybe?, that explain it better than I ever could but it boils down to what treatment you will accept and what you intent to do if someone crosses your boundaries.

For instance, one of my boundaries back then was to not allow someone to talk down to me. If W did I removed myself from the situation. I lived with in house separation for 9 months, it was hell. Dont look too hard into overanalyzing her actions and for the live of god stop snooping, its soul crushing. Everything you think shes doing to get a response out of you may not be the case at all. More often than not shes completely consumed with her new life and wants to do the base mininum to get away from you and to the happiness she thinks awaits her ahead without you.

Eventually my boundary was I will not live in the same home as someone who is off acting like a teenager and fooling around with other men. I moved out because she wouldn't. I had to enforce it the only way I could and live with the results.

Our boundaries can be hard to clarify but to be effective we have to enforce them and live with whatever consequences arise from them.

Eventually your boundary may be you will not be married to someone who sleeps with other men, if she only intends to legally separate and play the party girl you have to decide what you will do as a result.