Is It Too Late?

[WillD78]

Steve:

Thank you so much. I don't think you have any idea how much this post meant to me. Your hopeful yet unbiased outsider's perspective really helped a lot. This was a rough morning, but your comments allowed me to focus on my work and realize that, yes, I shouldn't be believing what she says. Her actions do not match her words.

I would suggest you avoid these conversations. I would suggest you not say things like "So what is taking so long?". That is dishonest on your part. You don't want it to happen, therefore you don't want it to happen quickly. So why ask her that? Other than to pressure her into making a decision. The fact that she is sitting on this is a good thing. Everyday she doesn't move out is another day closer to her staying permanently. She doesn't have a lot of steam in her sails on this, do don't get behind and start blowing.

Here is the thing. If she leaves coming back will be harder than just staying. So don't encourage it. LBSs think that prodding them will get them to change their mind. It doesn't. Prodding them will make them more determined to do it. Also, you are thinking that discussing this will show her that it isn't "all sunshine and rainbows". She will come to that conclusion without your help. This is why we recommend you do not initiate R talks. No good comes from it.

You're right. I do not gain anything by initiating these conversations. I tricked myself before starting this conversation that it was not really an R talk, but more of a logistics talk. I am genuinely concerned with the timing of this move and the start of the school year, for our girls' sakes, but I didn't learn anything new with this conversation. I'm still in limbo, just feeling worse about it today than I did yesterday. I still don't know when this will happen. No more.

I talked to my IC about this today, too, and he agrees that I shouldn't bring it up anymore, which is a change of thought for him. He's usually telling me question after question after question to ask her. No more.

Anyway, thanks for making today less crappy.

uk82: Agree. Steve kills it. And no, I haven't been at this for four years. Perhaps you have confused me with someone else, or I gave you the wrong impression. I'm coming up on one year since BD in a couple of weeks, though, it does seem like longer. Thanks for chiming in. I'll go read your sitch in moment.