Advice on my Scenario Pt. 21 - Garden in my Bucket

[OrangeK]

Firstly. Ovr. Thank you for posing questions and having a dialogue. I appreciate it tremendously.

Orange,

just take a breather man. Calm down. You don't have to fight ever fight, you don't have to "win" ever fight. I've spent a lot of time trying to do those things only to drive myself bonkers.

That is precisely what i was doing when i mentioned taking a break from the forum. then the pitchforks and torches came out.
Im not trying to "Win" or be right. Its just staggering to me how much of what i type out and submit gets completely ignored, and assumptions of my thoughts are made based off of incomplete information.

If you don't want her back, then why do you worry about her so much? Let her go and live your life. Do you think it's realistic that she will never have another man in her life? Or that you'll approve of those men?

I worry about what shes going to do to continue to violate my life, manipulate me through our son, and her declining ability to be an effective mother. I dont care who she has for men in her life (as im sure there will be dozens), nor that I need to approve of them. My approval isnt her concern and I dont care to provide it. As long as she isnt introducing a new guy to S3 every year or two, and they arent abusive to my son i dont care. Similarly as long as she continues her new silence i am a happy camper. I only ever wanted to know what she was up to so i could be ready for any incoming drama/manipulation attempts or legal attacks from her.

If you don't want her back, why spend so much time analyzing her every move? It's confusing.

See above

Your break from the forum post was an attention grabber, and meant more than just the face value. Think about yourself and why you act the way you do. You won't improve or learn about yourself without asking or thinking about these things.

I think about them often, i discuss them with IC often. My post about taking a break wasnt an attention Grabber.
I see other posters who abandon their threads and the other members seem to get concerned. I didnt want that to happen in an absence.

Your tone, in your thread and other people's, is not always the friendliest or most inviting.

That could be said of a lot of people here. I dont disagree. Being soft and fulffy has never been my personality.
When i am being actively antagonized and insulted, im not the type to sit there and be like "Yep, this is fine"

You say you're not going to waste time explaining your position to entitled know it alls, but then you go on to do just what you said you wouldn't. Do you realize you're doing this? Seems a bit contradictory.

People are here to help you.

I explained myself to those who had the time and patience to actually read 100% of what i am typing, not just skimming for Buzz words and going into Riot mode.
I think most people are indeed here to help. Most.
I think there are a select few who get their rocks off here with elitist feelings of superiority and omniscience.

[OrangeK]

Im honestly shocked things have gotten so insensitive here.
I have seen recent newbies come, post, feel attacked and never came back.

Is that the attitude that is trying to be cultivated here?
"Follow DB exact to a tee or you will be ostracized in your already compromised emotional state and set as an example to those newbies who may think to stray from the rigid hallowed path of DB" ???

[Fogg]

You should really go back and read the way you react, especially towards those that are attempting to help you. You act like a child who isn't getting their way and has to deflect it back on everyone else. You seem to think the people posting to you are just trying to attack you, they're trying to help you ffs. How many people have to say "You're wrong, this is an issue you can change" before you consider the possibility?

When people get here it's usually a wake up call to change the things in their life that arent working, yet you keep resisting what people are trying to help you see. I hope the IC flushes it out, truly

Keep being passive aggressive, keep deflecting all your issues toward others, at the end of the day we only care because we've worked through issues ourselves, know what this grieving period can be in terms of personal growth and genuinely want to help. But by all means, drag the same baggage into your next relationship.

Morse than anything this saddens me.
All this stuff absolutely [censored] but we have the opportunity to make something positive out of it, if we choose too.

Anyway, good luck with your break from the forums and D, hope things work out for you

[bhappy2]

Im honestly shocked things have gotten so insensitive here.
I have seen recent newbies come, post, feel attacked and never came back.

Please point out which newbie specifically was attacked on this forum. This forum for many of us has been a life saver, an eye opener. You are 30 years old and have a lot to learn... you have so much life ahead of you embrace the changes that need to be made, the sooner the better. When you point a finger at someone there are 4 pointing back at you.

If you are taking a break from the forum why do you need to annouce it? Just take you break, come back when you are ready.

[OrangeK]

Cadet. Please delete or Archive my thread.

[OrangeK]

Thank you Sandi and Vanilla. you both helped more than words can describe.
Makia, AS, & Joseph, you both were my lead-line into the future without EX. thank you for your support and for keeping it real.

MTB, you are amazing, Keep it up buddy.

I can be reached Via facebook, NicoleR has that info if needed.

Peace be with you all.

[mtb1981]

Hope you're doing well, Orange...

[mtb1981]

You've given me a lot of support on here. And I'm very grateful. I hate to see you leave, but if that's what you think you need to do then do it. I think you're just in a rough spot right now. But it will pass. We all have them and they all pass. I've seen you give others on her some really good advice, and I'm sad to see you leave. Take care, buddy. I wish you and you S the best of luck...

[OrangeK]

I personally, am doing really well. Much improved compared to even a few weeks ago. Thanks MTB.

The only rough patch i feel right now is the abrasive and accusatory attitude i have received here of late.

Ill either start a new thread or continue from this one if its still here when i Check in.

As much as i have gotten tons of help and advice here, i feel as though it has also prolonged my healing process.

[OrangeK]

Cadet. Dont delete the thread. Id hate to lose the journaling records. Im just gonna be low key for a bit. I think emotions are roiling up as Final D approaches.